“He is a strong male, an alpha male who doesn’t take shit from nobody,” my new student explained to me and I didn’t say much, waited for her to go on and she did.
My student happens to be a woman my age and at first sight, we might have lots in common, when in reality we could not be more different.
We are like apples and oranges, while both are fruits, they cannot really be compared with each other. Both have a different purpose, come from different backgrounds have a different history and require distinct handling. Both are delicious on its own and when mixed, oh well, it’s just another fruit salad, nobody really cares for.
My new student is a Trump supporter -he is the alpha male she is referring to- and I feel a bit like a donkey on ice. I am lost in her territory, have no understanding for her believes -no matter how hard I try.
It is not my job to judge her, neither is politics -and the understanding of all humankind- the subject of the class. I will not rock the boat for the 12 hrs she paid for I promised myself, and so far I have succeeded, but goodness it’s hard.
Everybody is biased and everybody has a right to their own opinions -as right or wrong as they might be. Come to think of, perhaps sometimes there is no right or wrong, what leaves us again with a fruit salad nobody really cares for.
My student adores the alpha male, she wants to be guided by a strong man. In marriage as well as in life in general. “My husband and I talk about politics and he always recommends who I should be voting for,” she tells me, and I look at her the same way I would look at a unicorn. They do exist!
My student is curious about me, I can sense it, I can feel it. I embody independence that she might have wished for herself. I am the other unicorn, a creature full of mystery.
We talk about the current occupant of The White House and his behavior. She excuses him a lot -perhaps too much and I make her gently aware of it. “So, you are the woman who votes against my best interest,” I joke and she laughs. I can sense her inner conflict, and I suppose she can sense my disapproval -even though I try to hide behind the mask of a smile.
We test the waters while working together on her piece. We work well together. She understands quickly, and watching her is a delight for me. “We could be friends,” I think.
She asks me about my political opinion and I admire her for her bravery. I am like a loaded gun when it comes to politics these days. I can spit out facts, and make your head spin with questions you didn’t see coming, but I don’t do any of it -not sure why.
Instead, I let down my guard and let her see parts of an inside I don’t show to strangers normally. She gets a glimpse of my core, and quickly we find subjects we agree on. Who would have thought?
Women can find common ground, no matter how different they are. We have a bond, which surpasses any kind of male bonding that men can have. I have seen it all over the world, had sometimes a connection with a woman from a different country that was established with just one look. I believe we have the gift to look into each others soul at times -if we want to.
Being overpowered, being the weaker sex, being underestimated and not treated as equal -we all have experienced this at one point in our lives. That’s the common ground we can always find, no matter what color we are, or what we believe in.
Live and learn – hear and listen and miracles happen!
i am so glad I didn’t miss this post! I don’t have any relationships where I am the teacher or someone with a necessary responsibility to be tolerant of a belief that chafes as much as your student’s perspective, but I have MANY old friends with positions running in direct opposition to what I firmly believe. I like you “apple, oranges” analogy, and I keep saying it’s like we are in different worlds! Anyway, I really do admire your ability to show some patience, and I think it’s good that at the very least we leave someone with the notion that they are entitled to their opinions, but that others they respect do not share them. I’m trying to keep my soapbox small…
I find myself in an odd position indeed. I understand what you are feeling, I feel the same way. It’s like we are a different species or something like that. Perhaps not even from the same planet?
You are tolerant my friend- and good for you to find common ground. Perhaps you can sway her, bring her around by poking holes in her excuses for 45. I love how this post is written. Your words put together beautifully.
Thank you so much Lisa, that means a lot comming from you.
Hmm, the problem with alpha males is that they are great apes… l don’t see a gorilla as the best leader of a country. I know the term has spread beyond its original usage, but humans have developed language and diplomacy and we are supposed to have progressed beyond the days of winning an argument by beef alone. I am glad you found the common ground with your student. It is often there, but very difficult to reach when you start with such a gulf between you.
I find the situation very interesting. She is very likeable what makes easier to bite my tongue. I don’t understand Trump voters and now I sit first row and can look at one -so to speak. Understanding them, might help me to understand all of it.
Believe it or not, I am today -two years later- still as shocked as I have been when I read the election results in November 2016.
I’m sure you are right, understanding enough to make bridges is the key. Maybe then people will be able to find the middle ground again.
I’m not sure that my tolerance would have lasted as yours did!
North Korea may be a good holiday destination for her. A fine Alpha male who will tell her what to do and what to think.
I don’t think its tolerance. I feel curiousity more than anything. I am longing for explanation. So far I haven’t found any, so perhaps she will make understand something I feel I cannot understand. If that all makes any sense.
I had trouble reading this, let alone you trying to live out the hours. I’m afraid my disapproval would have been written all over me. Kudos to you for taking a different approach. You likely left a big impression on her opinions … maybe even enough for her to start forming her own opinions.
I am surprised too. I would have sworn I would give her the money for the class back. 🙂
Maybe your new secret weapon will become subtle subversive 😉
Congratulations on persevering
And thank the Lord they do! We all need to find a way. I like yours. 🙂 🙂
You approached this so skillfully. You didn’t blast her and you listened to her. You didn’t clobber her with your opinion. Good for you!
No I didn’t but I wanted too 🙁