A Happy Marriage Against All Odds!

Last updated on December 1, 2021

Marriage advise! Haven’t I read them all and guess what? It’s a miracle my husband and I are still happily married because the way it seems we did everything wrong a couple can do wrong.

What did we have in common when we met? Nothing at first glance, we didn’t even speak the same language. He didn’t understand German or the Austrian dialect I spoke, and my English was almost non-existing. We came from different continents and different backgrounds. We didn’t have the same traditions -not even the food we cooked and ate was the same. We could have not been more different, yet, somehow we complete each other in a way that cannot easily be explained.

Don’t go to bed angry

Haha Snickerdoodle, we have broken the main rule for everlasting happiness at least a dozen times -and not just that. Hold your horses! To make matters worse, we also had HALLWAY-SEX. You don’t know what Hallway sex is? It’s easily explained. One stands on one end of the hallway and shouts “Fudge you!” and the other one the opposite site shouting back, “Fudge you too!” Guaranteed instant climax: The slamming of the doors to both bedrooms, preferably simultaneously. (Of course, we used the real F-Bomb, the fudge came later.)

My husband has grabbed his pillow and had slept on the couch and so have I. And while I would not recommend it, it can be worth it. No couch is as comfortable as a bed, but it’s good enough to make a statement -or two- and it’s worth the stiff neck the next day.

The morning after, he leaves the house giving me a kiss -or something that reminds me of a kiss, and I show him the coldest of my shoulders, just so we both know we are in the dog house. By lunch we talk on the phone, both waiting for the other one to apologize, which happens only, IF one of us acknowledges the fact that he (or seldom she) could be wrong. In the evening all is forgotten, and everlasting peace is with us until the next time when we blow off steam. It doesn’t happen often, but I would lie if I would say it hasn’t happened at all.

We tell each other I LOVE YOU every day, even when we are angry. Perhaps that the assurance we give each other so we know arguments are only temporary.

Date night

What the Heckes? What’s a date night? When was it invented for married couples and why exactly should I have one with the man I am married to for thirty+ years? We go out, doesn’t that count? We do almost everything together. We make popcorn and stream a movie. We have fun together, and still enjoy each other’s company. We both are in need of a decent amount of me-time and we know it.

Sometimes we sit in one room and don’t talk at all. I paint or read, he watches something unnecessary as football. We go out and meet friends, we dress up and join special parties, or we order lunch or dinner in. Even occasional road trips are on our schedule, even if it’s just to another funeral. There are no rules in our relationship -and we like it that way.

Intimacy

“Honey, we have to make love,” I told him and he, too tired to lift his hand to give me the finger, just gave me a look. “It says here we should DO IT at least once a week,” I explained and pointed at the high gloss magazine I had inherited from my next-door neighbor.

Of course, I had to read the article at a time when we both worked 60 hours a week. Back then, we hardly made it to bed at night, and we were deep asleep long before our heads hit the pillows.

Looking back I can see everything in our marriage came in phases. We grew together, luckily in the right direction, and never made a big deal out of anything.

Marriage Advice

Many years back I asked a lady, “What’s your secret?” after I had learned she was married -to the same man- for over 30 years. Her answer was simple. “There is none, other than you have to want it.”

Now, years later I think she nailed it. I want to be married to my husband, through sickness and health, through thick and thin, rich, poor, old or young. He is still the one!

There are no marriage rules or regulations couples should follow. What works for us, might not work for you. We are all different and we all react differently. Marriage happens because two strangers fall in love, and decide to spend the rest of their lives together. What could possibly go wrong?

I think as long as you like your partner as much as you love him, you are on the safe side. Love changes through the years, but then, it doesn’t.

I still melt like butter in the sun when my husband, now older, with snow-white hair, smiles at me. I still feel safe and loved, when he holds my hand. He still can make me so mad, I could hit him with a battery of frying pans. He still can make me laugh so hard, that I start crying.

Basic Human Rules

We both were raised with the same values. We believe in hard work, we don’t complain much and we believe a life without curveballs could be rather boring. We treat people with respect, we don’t believe in name-calling or in bullying, and we don’t believe in violence. So the way it looks like, the basic rules for a happy marriage were already set by the people who raised us.

I guess what I am trying to say: “Don’t EVER compare your marriage to other people’s marriages!”

Go your own way, find out what works for you two, and most of all, always be yourself. Don’t pretend, and don’t try to copy what you think works for others. This is your relationship. Find your happiness!