“Respect has to be earned,” one of the many wrong statements I made when I was younger, and which I now would like to retract. I didn’t know it better, had been blinded by the vanity and confidence of my youth. Now, years later, getting older has given me a different outlook, perhaps even a sprinkle of wisdom.
Respect is given by us freely and should be given to all, big or small, rich or poor, red or blue, black or white, old or young, no questions asked, no judgments made.
In Austria, we have a saying. How you shout into a forest, so it echos back. It means, your own treatment of people will fall back on you.
Today in the morning, a customer yelled at me. She was angry because I couldn’t hold the deadline I had given her, which is always an estimate to begin with, and I make sure all my customers are aware of it. With COVID and the price gouging that started with it, my life has not gotten easier. I am waiting on supplies that are on backorder, or I am forced to order out of state, so I can hold the quotes and make the profit I need to help pay our bills.
When my client raised her voice, I was tempted to hang up on her. Nobody has the right to yell at me, and the one person who might have the privilege would never do it.
I decided against it and kept on listening when she went on and on. After a while, I didn’t take it personally anymore but made instead of instantaneous judgment about her -without knowing her too well.
“You don’t respect yourself much, do you?” I asked her and it wasn’t a question, but rather a statement. I believe the respect we give others, often reflects how we respect ourselves. If I don’t treat myself nicely in my thoughts or with my actions, how could I possibly treat strangers better?
And where is this coming from? Did a mystical elf-like little creature sprinkle wisdom on my forehead last night?
Why wasn’t I sarcastic? I can upset people so nicely without even trying hard. Why was I holding back?
Considering that I don’t have a speedbump between brain and mouth, I have to say I took her shouting very well.
“What do you mean?” She acted like she didn’t understand my question. I don’t know my customer very well but at the end of our conversation, I felt sorry for her. What makes a person so bitter and so angry that you treat someone with so much disrespect.
How did it make me feel to be disrespected? She didn’t touch my spirit, but it hurt and I needed to let her know how I felt because I would like to continue to respect myself. Quietly, I told her that the way she treated me was uncalled for. To disagree, doesn’t mean to disrespect. I do the best I can and try to do it right. There was silence on the other line.
The difference between the younger and now older ME is that I truly believe I don’t have to earn someone’s respect, it should be given to me and it’s then up to me, through actions and effort to make sure it stays that way.
Perhaps that’s the reason why this world is so full of hate, we have forgotten to respect strangers.
“We are sun and moon, dear friend; we are sea and land. It is not our purpose to become each other; it is to recognize each other, to learn to see the other and honor him for what he is: each the other’s opposite and complement.” ― Hermann Hesse, Narcissus and Goldmund
I am really impressed with the way you handled yourself, and the high level of irritation of your client! I would have seethed and perhaps not said anything, but I am confident I wouldn’t have had the presence of mind to have the discussion with her that you did. I agree with you that we are all due respect, and that we owe others the same. But I think in my actions it isn’t always clear that I really do believe this. Somewhere there’s a disconnect. I will be thinking about your actions for some time. You’ve made an impression on me!
2019, I had a book on my reading list for a long time. When I finally read it, I bought ten more and gave it to my friends and people I thought might benefit from it. “The four agreements.”
The author challenges us to reject all the “agreements” that we have made with society and, instead, to focus on four Agreements that will radically transform our lives and help is live better and happier:
– Be Impeccable With Your Words
– Don’t Take Anything Personally
– Don’t Make Assumptions
– Always Do Your Best
For the first time I understood that other people’s actions don’t reflect me, it reflects them.
I will never fully understand life but maybe, if I am luck, I will be able to understand myself. 🙂
Excellent post!
Thank you so much for reading.
Respect for me is like trust. You get it unless and until you prove it is erroneous.
So true.
Many years ago I started working for a fairly new store in my town. One of the many things I liked about it was a “family” atmosphere. I remember one of the starting points that was told to me was – Respect for the individual. I held onto that belief for quite a while. The company continued to grow and change as businesses do. By the time I left 20 years later I felt no respect for them as they had none for me. I agree with what you said, “I truly believe I don’t have to earn someone’s respect, it should be given to me and it’s then up to me, through actions and effort to make sure it stays that way.” Great post!
“Respect for the individual.” I like that!
I loved your comment and the thought behind it.
Thanks.
I love this post Bridget, and you are so right in what you say. It is, however, sometimes difficult to give respect to someone who shows no human dignity or social responsibility!
Sadly, that is true as well. But often we judge the public person, an act or a professional stunt, rather than the human being behind it.
I so agree with you about respect; everyone deserves respect. It is something all creatures are born with as we are all worthy.
Lol … now I’m singing the song R E S P E C T 🎶! Love your post! ✨
You touch on an interesting question. I agree that if you treat others with respect it is more likely that you will be treated respectfully in return. Having to earn respect remains true in some ways, for our behaviour towards others will determine how people respond to us. Just because someone is in a position of authority, for example, does not automatically mean they have to be respected. They will ‘earn’ respect through their actions and not their position 🙂
Well, this might anger you a bit, but I don’t respect royals -any royals, however, just because I think queens and kings are a relict of the past, and I have no use for their titles, shouldn’t I still respect the human being behind the pomp?
Far from being angry – royals are a prime example of what I mean: their position is no reason to respect them; their actions would have to bring that about 🙂