I act a lot like a squirrel. Nervous, quick movements throughout the day, and on sleepless nights I find myself sitting on the edge of the bed, staring into the darkness, studying the silhouettes of pictures, dogs, and other things, without actually looking at them.
My mind acts like a broken record player when the needle is stuck. I feel my thoughts are on an endless loop, replaying the same part of a melody over and over. The older ones will know what I am talking about.
And I talked him into it, sigh!
“Get a colon test done,” I suggested and nagged my husband because that’s what good wives do. We make sure our spouses go to the doctor, even when they don’t want to go. I read a statistic that married men take better care of their health, mainly because their wives MAKE THEM. I snickered when I read it. I suppose it’s true.
The colon test kit arrived and the instructions made us aware of the fact that the results might not always be accurate. Don’t you love tests like that? What’s the use if you can’t believe it? I get it, they are covering all possibilities because we in the US sue everybody for every penny they own, the moment we get the chance to do so.
“It can cause a false positive,” it read, which quickly convinced my husband that it all was a waste of time.
Still, he sent back the kit via FedEx. Some shitty business they have. (Sorry couldn’t help it)
And sure enough, the test came back positive.
…
…
That’s all it took to throw me into the first stage of being a NERVOES WRECK.
“I scheduled you for a Colonoscopy,” our doctor wrote and the appointment is now set for July 9th. A month of waiting time, because we don’t seem to have enough doctors in this country. We have to wait, and wait and wait some more.
Waiting is not my strong suit. My eyes will one day fall out of the socket when I am forced to wait in line and now I have to wait a month to find out if there is something wrong with my husband’s colon.
“It’s a false positive,” my knight-in-shining-armor insists because that’s what he does. He loves to downplay things when it comes to his health. “Don’t make a big deal out of it,” he asked me because he knows me.
And I get it, but then how can I not make a big deal out of it. He is my partner, my lover, my best friend, my biggest supporter, and my biggest critique -when needed and it’s needed sometimes.
It’s going to be alright!
It’s going to be nothing. See, I am all positive and upbeat -if just my mind would cooperate. Waiting is worse than anything, it’s brutal.
I haven’t read too many blogs lately, neither have I commented much and even my own May-review is still on ice. I can’t get into the mood.
I am worried out of my mind, but also know that I should just wait and see. The logic is telling me one thing, reality has taught me another. There is always the possibility….
…
Let’s not go there.
Oh, and while it’s not enough. I have a bump on the right side of my neck, and my heart rate is down to 46-48 during the daytime. There might be something wrong with my thyroid, probably just thyroid nodules. I have an ultrasound on Monday, then an appointment with an endocrinologist probably months later, because they will be booked way ahead as well.
The mind of an ex-smoker goes wild again. What if it’s not the thyroid? Girl, you smoked for 35 years. “Oh shut up mind!”
…
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I sound like a crazy person, oh great!
I guess what I am trying to explain is that I am still here in the blogging world, just not very active right now.
I can relate so well to having a husband who loves to downplay things when it comes to his health. I can also relate to worrying about our health, especially as we get older. I occasionally am able to drag my mind to FOCUS ON FACTS! by yelling that to myself in my head or out loud. The fact being that we don’t know and have to wait. Now do something constructive, I tell myself. Sometimes it works… for a few minutes anyway. No matter what happens, we will deal with it. Peace and prayers on the way!
It seems all husbands are like that. Like being sick or going to the doctor would be a sign of weakness.
I like the ‘yelling to myself in my head’. I seem to do it quite frequently lately.
Lets yell cheers in our head, too. 🙂
I understand. ❤️❤️❤️🙏
Well done you for nagging for the test. I shall not say “Don’t worry” because it’s natural that you should. What I can do is tell you that I have been having regular tests for years now and have had a couple of positive results in that time. One was as a result of haemorrhoids, the second due to polyps, both were easily rectified. I do hope that, whatever the outcome, all will be sorted soon. Love, hugs, and best wishes to you both.
I feel terrible when I nag, but he makes me. It’s all his fault. Why is it that men don’t take care of themselves as the should. I know it’s not just my husband but others as well. The need to be pushed, which puts us wives in the nagging position, because we happen to love them. 🙂
I have always (eventually) been happy to have been nagged into doing something that I always knew was the right thing to do! Men are just little boys in long trousers!
Oh so true! Sometimes, when he grins, I can see the little boy 🙂
Sending love
Thank you, Sunshine.
My best wishes to you both. We are going through something similar (but different) about which I will post after next week’s biopsy when I know what’s what
Let’s hope it will be good news for all of us. I am sorry you have to go through something similar. Aging could be so beautiful if there weren’t all these obstacles in our way.
Sending best wishes. If I had a loved one in the same situation as your husband I wouldn’t help but worry too. So I would battle with trying to stay positive along with worrying.
Thank you, Liz. I appreciate your kind words.
Nerves and the mind can have you running like that squirrel in front of a car. I get it but think positive when you can and prayers are sent for both of you to get great news on this. And this post is top shelf by the way!
Thank you, Ernie. I love the “Squirrel in front of a car” comparison. It fits. 🙂
Thank you for your kind words.
You are most welcome
I’m sorry you have concerns about your husband’s health that won’t be resolved quicker. Those black clouds hanging over your head are indeed stressful. I hope your husband is right and it’s a false positive.
Nancy, you always find the right words. I’ll try to make time go by fast, but it’s not working right now 🙂
That AI squirrel is creepy. The dull lusterless eyes. The unnatural tail. The odd way and place it chooses to perch. The horror. lol.
I thought the post needed something creepy. 🙂
yeah creepy works well anytime 😉
I too hate waiting. What my doctor tells me is to accept that the anxiety over the situation will be there – thank it for worrying for you and then go on. It is so much easier said than done! I can accept it, and thank it, but the go on to the next thing is hard. Blog when you are ready and able. In the meantime you have many who care and wish you and your husband the best! (((HUGS)))
I appreciate your kind words and the virtual hug. I needed it 🙂 Waiting is not my thing. I don’t know how other people (like my husband) do it.
That is a lot to worry about Bridget. 5 years ago, I failed my F.I.T. (Fecal Immunochemical Test). I like the abbreviation better…sounds less shitty. My doctor asked me to come see her about “your recent test”. During the week I waited to see her, I imagined every scenario. She told me the test had been positive and I was being scheduled for a colonoscopy. When I had the scope, the team removed two small polyps. I got another call from my doctor, telling me the test found a large abnormal polyp that that tech did not have the skills to remove. 3 months later, I was back for another colonoscopy. The polyp was removed along with 3 others hiding behind it. The pathology came back as benign, but it was deemed precancerous). I felt so lucky, until I was told I would have to come back for another colonoscopy within 12 months to be sure the removal site had healed. After that one, my next Scope was 3 years later and I am now at 5 year intervals. If there is ever a silver lining for a test fail, this was it. I can tell you I am not a fan of fruit punch anymore, after drinking that much prep liquid.
When shitty stuff comes up, we need to face it head on. It is better knowing than not. Hope all works out well for you both.
🙏🙏
Allan
Oh wow! Thank you for sharing this with me and all of us. I am glad it all worked out for you. You are right, knowing is better than no knowing. After all, if there is something wrong (I hope not) then its important to find it early.
You last paragraph made me laugh. Thanks for that.
🤗
There is always something to worry about it seems. And saying, “Don’t worry,” doesn’t help one little bit. So I won’t say it. xo
Thank you for not saying it 🙂
Sending hugs, Bridget <3
Thank you, Ruth.
Oh my heavens lady. 🥺 I too would be a ball of nerves if something like that were to happen to my husband. The waiting game is excruciating! Almost as worse as the disease itself. I feel for you and your husband. Don’t worry about not getting on here to blog, you have a lot on your plate right now. Please just take the time to take care of you and your hubby. We will all be here when you get back. My thoughts and prayers are with you and the hubby. Praying for good news, healing, comfort, and peace. 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Time doesn’t seem to fly at the moment. What’s up with that, normally it does.
I try to keep myself busy in my workroom, yard and house and it seems to work, but in the night, that’s when the mind is the loudest.
I appreciate your comment and your kind words and your healing thoughts. Thank you so much.
Yah it’s crazy how there are days where time seems to fly but then other days drag on and on. My mind is also the loudest at night. Especially when I am trying to go to sleep. My mind is like nope, sike! Let’s begin going over everything you said wrong and did wrong during the day. Let’s begin worrying about things you have no control over. That’s my mind to the T. It’s so mentally and emotionally exhausting.
Anytime you need to talk, just hit me up on here or send me a message on Facebook. My Facebook name is “Jenny Frye.” Sending love and hugs 💕🤗
Look at a magnesium drink called “calm” (Amazon) the Raspberry/Lemon. It will help you relax, without making you sleepy and you will fall asleep with ease. I take it for years, but can’t right now because of my low pulse. I don’t know how old you are, but with age we need more magnesium. A book “The Magnesium Miracle” is a real eye opener. For me it started when I hit menopause, about 10 years ago.
(I am not on Facebook but appreciate the gesture very much.)
Ok. Thank you for that suggestion. I will keep this in mind. I have tried other sleep aids that are gentle without any residual grogginess such as melatonin and, Zquil but they stopped working. I will try that magnesium drink you suggested. At my age of 43, I know my body could definitely use more magnesium. Thank you 🤗
I”m 54 and kind of a nut about this. I take a multivitamin, an omega-3 (fish oil) pill, and phosphatidylserine (brain health supplement). Going to add the magnesium supplement on my next trip to supplement land after a little more research. Thanks for the great info as I wouldn’t have seen this elsewhere.
It seems the older we get, the more supplements (and pills) we have around.
Make sure you buy the right magnesium supplement, as there are many.
Thank you. Is there anything I should look for or maybe something you might recommend. I’m meeting with my doctor in my about an hour. That’s just coincidental. Thanks!