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If there is a heaven and IF my husband is considered to be invited, I know exactly how the first heavenly conversation will go:
Heaven will open the pearly gates and an angel – or a heavenly creature – will invite him in:
“Welcome to Heaven” and with that my husband will carefully take a first step into eternity.
My husband then will look around and after just a few minutes he will find something wrong with heaven and he will let them know. In case he can’t find anything wrong with it, after all, it’s heaven, he will still act like there could be something wrong with it – just in case.
“So, that’s heaven. Is this all?” he will say or something like it and with that he will make an angel faint.
End of the heavenly story, back to reality.
I always joke that my husband will find hair in the soup before the soup is served. He hates when I say things like that, and he reacts the same way I do when he points out one of my weaknesses.
My husband complains about EVERYTHING but he doesn’t think that he is complaining. In his mind, he just makes sure “WE” (We = the rest of the world) notice the things that “We” might not detect without his help.
The weather could be nicer – the food could be warmer – the car could be cleaner – the neighbors are annoying (they are) – his co-workers don’t know what they are doing (only he does) – we could have more money (true, but also less) – it’s raining again (yep) – traffic – and so on.
He will find something to complain about every day.
And what’s worse, he tells “US” (US = the rest of the world) what could go wrong, and gives “Us” helpful suggestions, like, “You might want to use more SAUCE this time,” and with that he walks away, leaving me in the kitchen wondering if I should throw the lasagne after him. (Let’s not point out that I have made my grandma’s lasagne the same way for decades and he has never mentioned the ‘missing sauce’ before.)
Over the years I learned that this is just something he can’t help doing. To be honest, I think he does not even notice it.
When we go out to eat, and the waiter dares to ask if we like the food, he will give the same answer I get at home. “It’s alright.”
“Alright!” That’s the ultimate compliment my husband can give – food-wise – and to make up for his shortcoming I then go overboard and use words like MAGNIFICENT, EXTRAORDINARY, and MARVELOUS to show my appreciation for a lousy, overcooked vegan burger or something like it.
Is my husband arrogant? Not at all. He is a very humble human being, down-to-earth, warm and generous. He just can’t put feelings into words and he is always prepared that something could go wrong.
He is my worst critic, and by worse I mean best. Whenever I finish a project I show him the result and he then takes a look…and I mean look. Eagle-eye will walk around the piece as if he is trying to find something wrong with it, and every time when I watch him inspect an item I can feel my blood boiling.
“It looks good,” he then announces and I take it.
If Eagle-eye can’t find anything wrong with it, I know my customer will be happy.
Will he ever stop complaining about the weather, the food, the service, and other rather unimportant things? I don’t think so, it’s his nature. Interestingly enough, whenever something goes wrong or badly sidewise, when we, or I, mess up he is as calm as he can be and very supportive.
“Honey, I wanted to put the glass jar back in the pantry, it slipped out of my hand and fell on the floor, and now there is a crack in the tile.”
What will Eagle-eye say?
“Are you alright?” followed by something like “Shit happens.”
The logic behind his behavior is something I will never understand.
Sometimes I wonder if his behavior is what I needed the most in my life because I am the ultimate, incurable optimist and he makes sure that my feet still touch the ground, even though my head might be in the clouds (again).
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Your boxed quotation must be valid
🙂
My husband calls complaining “being realistic.” 🙂
I’m chuckling as I read, Bridget. I have at least one friend who sounds so much like your husband in the way you describe the “complaints.” She, too, doesn’t have any idea, I don’t think, about how her observations come across. I think some people process their thoughts more externally. I make some of the same more negative observations, but I don’t feel the need to share them. Some people narrate life for the rest of us! LOL!
I chuckle myself quite often, but it can get annoying sometimes.
I agree with you, I am certain your friend doesn’t know how it comes across.
I just don’t expect life to throw always the worst at me and like you, if I do, I don’t share it but I wait and see.
Instead of saying dinner wasn’t hot enough, even when we were eating in the kitchen and it took two seconds to get to the table, my late husband would say at every meal ‘I’ll just give it a blast in the microwave.’ Having done that, he would then find what was missing, tomato sauce, anything… I was tempted to put the entire contents of the kitchen cupboards on the table. But all his remarks were always said in a pleasant way, not actually grumbling!
My husband always salted and peppered the meals until I though him to taste it first, because I purposely over-spiced some meals and he learned it quickly.
Oh my. I can always tell you why something won’t work. But I recognized that years ago and try really hard not to share those thoughts unless asked, and also I try to keep an open mind even if I don’t think something will work, because you never know. It’s hard if it’s in your nature to be negative. BUT I am a very good editor, and the nonprofit where I sit on the board often (as in almost always) send me things that are being sent out prior to, so that I can edit. Sometimes I can’t believe the stuff they miss, but maybe they’re just not careful because they know there will be another set of eyes on it. Like your husband, I think if I tell them it’s good they feel better. But you remind me to try to not be negative!
My husband is a perfectionist and I love to improvise. It’s funny how I often see a simpler solution, like when it comes to tools or handy work, because I don’t overthink it, while he takes the mathematic, logical approach.
Negativity can drain you and over the years I have learned to not be affected by it and when he goes overboard, I joke about it and he slows down.
I believe in learning by doing. He believes in studying it first, which is not wrong, but it can take the fun out of certain things.
I complain about my husband too. He tends to always find the negative. I guess that balances my always finding the positive. Perhaps if he finds the glass half empty and I find it half full, we must have a complete glass!
Your husband sounds a lot like mine. 🙂
Balance is important, so I guess we both found a partner that completes us (the glass).
😀
nice blog
Thank you.
👍
It can be very wearing to be optimistic all the time but we are what we are!
I can’t help it. It’s a defense mechanism against all the bad in the world I suppose. Or maybe it’s a form or gratitude because I really had a wonderful life so far.