I cannot Read

…

Of course, I can read, but according to a very nice gentleman on YouTube, I cannot read the way I should when you record an audiobook. My eyes are faster than my mouth; they are not in sync.

When I was young, at a time when we all still used cassette players to play music, I volunteered to record a book on tape for the blind, because back then—and I don’t think that has changed—not every book was printed in Braille. Also, some of the elderly who had vision problems or were legally blind often didn’t even bother reading Braille anymore.

I remember it so well. The older blind gentleman who had listened to my first recording looked at me, meaning he turned his head in my direction, and told me that I had put him to sleep. “You have made me doze off,” he informed me, which I found very rude. “And you are reading too fast,” he informed me. When I politely asked why he had fallen asleep while listening to my recording, he told me that I sounded monotonous. “You have to let me feel!” Back then, the recording was in my native language, German, with a bit of an Austrian dialect, because we Austrians have to make sure that we can’t be confused with Germans.

I discovered back then that reading quietly to myself and reading out loud are not the same. Turns out reading out loud requires some practice and, of course, equipment.

The gentleman on YouTube explained ‘reading’ very well.

…

He is right, to succeed in voice-over or narration, you have to be able to read.

I am no longer on the fence, but have decided that my book “Losing it All” will also be available as an audiobook, because if you flop, you might as well flop all the way. 😂

The elderly in my life, the ones in the nursing home that have gotten to know me pretty well during our charity events, and some of my older customers told me point-blank that reading my book was not an option. “I don’t read, I listen to books.”

I don’t even try to convince them otherwise, because I listen to books myself.

As most of you know, the first AI-reading experience was not the best, and while I have continued to play around a bit more, I just don’t really want an artificial voice to read my real book, even if it would solve the ‘accent problem’.

So I ordered a cheap microphone and a popper, which helps to filter out some of the clicking noises, and I started reading out loud. (I can return both by February 7th.) The result: It was just the way the old man had described it so many years ago, I bored myself to the point that I started yawning when I listened to my voice. And ofcourse, I still have an accent. That will never go away. Paired with clogged sinuses, or frozen sinuses, because it’s 5F outside, I just don’t sound right. My husband agrees, and he disagrees with me at the same time. “Your first recording was terrible, but you got better. I like it now.” He is so biased.

If I don’t narrate my own book, who will, and how much will it cost? It always comes down to money, and needless to say, someone like me who wrote a book about houselessness might have only limited funds available even years later. Or maybe I just don’t want to spend a lot on an experiment.

Back to Fiverr I went, the online hub for freelancers. I found two ladies with a mature voice, who I talked down on the price. One would charge $1,200, the other one $1,100. That’s a lot of money, which I will not get back. The first woman sounded too sweet. A southern accent which can’t be further from my real voice. Also, she changed ‘damn’ to ‘darn,’ which I didn’t appreciate. Regardless of her beliefs or feelings, she is reading my words, and if she can’t read the word damn, then I fear the first Fu** in the book (one of three) will catapult her out of her chair. 😉

Here is her file, but she is no longer an option. She sounds too cheerful:

Now, here is the other lady, who at first glance sounded perfect, but now I am not so sure anymore.

And AI, a more mature voice:

And last, but not least, here is my recording. Sigh! It stopped when the dog walked in, also the first 2 minutes, I used an amplifier because I wanted to hear the difference, which was wrong. (Life and learn).

I am the slowest reader. Which is quite a twist, considering that I was the fastest reader first. I have now trained myself to have my eyes go from word to word, which made all the difference in the world. Also. I have not edited my recording at all.

Should it be me? Should I just bury the project? Should I hire someone?

So, to answer today’s prompt. My dream job right now would be working as a narrator. I would love to transform my own book into an audiobook.

It’s not as easy as it might seem.

Daily writing prompt

What’s your dream job?

View all responses