My neighbor across the street is fighting the demon so many of us will have to fight in our lifetime. She has cancer, stage IV, and the outlook is not good, not good at all.
Once again I am on the sideline, and I stand there helpless as I watch someone fade away.
This happens more often when you get older. People around you disappear –some without any warning, some leave us step by step.
‘In Sickness and in health, until death do us apart,’ that’s a vow many of us take when we get married. I believe the same rule applies for friends and relatives.
I am not just a fair-weather friend; I am a friend for all kinds of weather -rain or shine. I have been there in good times, had tears running down my face from laughter, and now I am there with tears of sorrow.
Sometimes I feel like running, and I can’t even say for sure what I would be running away from. My own emotions I suppose, running away from the inevitable sounds tempting. I know I want to get away from suffering, that’s for sure.
Watching people fade away is hard, it eats at one’s soul. If I have one wish in my lifetime, then it would be that the suffering would stop. I wish we would be allowed to leave this planet with dignity on our own terms.
My neighbor is a nurse, she has seen it all, and she knows what is coming. Talking to her is different; there is no need to pretend. ‘It won’t be pretty,’ she said, and I sighed -we all did.
We should be allowed to go with our head held high. The fading away part is inhumane and unnecessary. It’s my life and my body. Shouldn’t it be my right to choose how I want to die, if I have a fatal disease?
I don’t care what god or gods people believe in, but telling me that it is GODS WILL when people suffer is actually very arrogant. What about my beliefs or nonbeliefs? They don’t count? How come?
I think we all should have a say in our life. So, go and suffer if you feel like that’s the right thing to do, but don’t force others to do the same. It’s as simple as that.
The difference between god and doctors is that god doesn’t pretend to be a doctor. Think about it?
I so agree, especially after watching both of my parents endure horrible suffering before they died. I think we should have the right to choose not to put ourselves or our loved ones through that.
Thank you Debbie. I am sorry you had to watch your parents suffer. That must be so hard, I can’t even begin to imagine.
It was incredibly difficult but I am so thankful that I could be there. Many good memories as well and it is those on which I try to focus.
I’m in the midst of watching my best friend watch her husband slowly die of Alzheimer’s. He’s been near death for two weeks, suffering- as my friend says-/ we won’t put our pets through this, but do nothing for our human loved ones.
It’s like Julz said in one of her comments. There are so many of us who agree, yet we don’t have a voice (yet).
I am sorry about your friends husband.
But the more we all speak out, the more chance that there will be changes.
I’m with you all the way. I attended a lecture by the organisation Dignity in Dying on Wednesday, there are now 6 states in the USA that allow Assisted Dying, but we are still a long way off in the UK.
Very profound thinking! A wonderful post
Your words nearly brought me to tears. Having been there for several family members as they faded away was gut wrenching. I think if we had a choice it would give us a greater level of comfort.
A extremely powerful post. I believe we are immortal souls so the bidy fades away and i am reborn when i leave this body and that helps me.
Having said tgat to see anyone suffer ill health and fade away is truely horrible and heart breaking.
As for gods will.. i say poor god we blame hum for too much.
I personally thing only because of my believes that we are immortal and we the soul is so closely connected to the body ..we say my body.. but one thing i am truely aware of is karma has to paid back many ways. I know this a hard one and totally unfair and its like they where nice..but we carry the karma of many births.
It is never nice to see anyone fade away 2016 has been year full of this. I have shed so many tears this year..
Again a very powerful post and beautiful to read and share with us all.. food for thought.. and i love how you say ypu arr friend of all weather you truely are a compassionated human being and we all should follow that a friend in all weathers love that
I think it’s important that we all are allowed to have our own beliefs. Some of us don’t have any and for them it’s just “Game over,” while others -like you- believe we are immortal in the end.
I am sorry for all your sorrows in 2016, may the New Year be better.
Yes very true ..we all have the freedom to think and believe what we feel right . The only caveat we dont hurt another in the process
Amen, Bridget. I’ve seen it. I’ve lived through it with my mother. It is horrible.
Staying by your friend and supporting her through this awful journey is extremely difficult. Kudos to you for both your courage and kindness.
I wish for a speedy release for your friend.
I do too. Thank you Joanne
Poignant thoughts, Bridget
I agree with you as you probably know. I’m sorry your neighbor is going through that.
Thank you
When someone close to us is going, I think of all the good times we shared together and tell them. I remember telling my Dad everything I loved doing with him. I know he closed his eyes with a smile.
A agree with you completely.
Thank you Willow!
I agree completely, let those who want to suffer, suffer……….just don’t force your opinions on the rest of us. It’s considered so cruel to let an animal suffer………but not ourselves….how is THAT being Humane. Let the ones who choose to die with dignity pick their time and place, minus the suffering.
Thank you Julz, you said it perfectly. You know when I was young I was outraged when politics took control of part of my body. We couldn’t have children, even though we wished for it.
Now being older I am outraged that politics decide how I can die. It makes me sick to my stomach. It’s my life…how dare you!
Sometimes I wonder if I should “touch” a subject like this on my blog, but then, after reading your reply and the replies of others I feel better.
We do think alike…so many of us.
so many of us agree, yet we still have no voice, how can this be. The more we talk about it, the more agreement there will be
All I wish for is no suffering. The dying is inevitable. The suffering is not.
I suppose most of us are afraid of the suffering these days.
Not just these days. Even when young, I did not care to suffer. 🙂
So sad, and I agree, Bridget. In Oregon, we have the right to terminate our lives, but in my opinion, it’s still too restrictive. We all will face the end someday, as hard as that is to accept. I hope to be able to die as I lived, with dignity, my head and heart appreciative and clear about the journey of my life, a blessing for me and those I leave behind. I used to do hospice work and your willingness to accompany your friend is a sacred gift. Your kind heart is all that’s required.
There is a movie called, “How to die in Oregon,” I believe that’s the title. It was such an eyeopener. I watched it in 2010 or 2011 and I realized I was watching someone die on TV. I watched someone die with dignity.
I wish they would give us the choice at least. I think many of us wouldn’t take the last step, but knowing that we could would make a difference. Does that make sense?
Makes total sense. Having the choice, whether we take it or not, is comforting and dignifying all by itself. <3
I would not wish a lingering, painful death on anyone…
I don’t think anybody does but yet we continue to let it happen.
Couldn’t agree more.
I am so hopeful to see so many people agreeing with me. It means I might be normal after all. 🙂
Ha! Well, I’ve found that “normal” is a relative term. 😃
LOL
The irony in of the world we live in called life.
I recently visited my father, who is also fading away. Still alive , but most of who he is is gone . Sad .
“Most of who he was is gone,” Gosh what a statement.
I am sorry to hear about your father and I hope your wishes for him will come true.
Thanks… I just published a post about him by the way.
Gosh – I feel like I love you after reading this!!!
And last month lost a friend to lung cancer – he was 48 and suffered two years – and even though I heard it was only really rough the last few months – my heart is in agreement with you. The comic you included really makes one think.
Anyhow – sending good thoughts to your neighbor and to all have suffer from nasty cancer and other thinks like misdiagnosed chronic illnesses and other ailments that pull from life’s freshness.
Your neighbor is blessed to have your kindness emitting her way from across the street and again – reading your tender words tugged at my heart big time.
I watched my sister-in-law die from lung cancer. They told her she had 5 months to live, when I was just 5 months smoke free. She was in agony for 3 months, she begged us to do something, but they lived in the wrong state. Before that it was my best friend, she died of breast cancer that had metastasized to her brain. It was so hard to watch her at the end. That’s something we all fear, yet we don’t change it.
Forcing people to suffer at the end, is prolonging death, it’s not prolonging life. I wish we all would have a voice in that.
Thank you for your comment.
Well the guy we knew had a cancer that usually takes a person in six months – and D endured (or struggled) for almost 24 months! Not sure if that is good or bad as I was. Not around and did not know he was ill – had not seen him since the 80s actually – and then went to his funeral! Cancer sucks!
And side note – ty bollinger has some good info about cancer and has a series called the “truth about cancer” –
And not to get sidetracked – but that is interesting what you wrote about choices – options at vary from state to state – etc.
I so agree with you. Watching someone literally fade away is agonizing. One of my friends did rally the day before she died- it was a pleasure to see her sitting out on her deck in the sun having a conversation, after laying so sick on her bed for weeks. Then the next day she began to slowly fade and was gone by night. When someone is suffering for a prolonged period it is torture for everyone- the person and all who love them having to witness it.
I remember when you wrote about your friend who died from lung cancer. I could tell how hard it was on you, even though you wrote about it over a year ago.
He’s gone since 2012 believe it or not. Watching someone fade on hospice for 6 months will stay with me forever. I remember when he was first diagnosed he told me he wasn’t afraid of dying- he was afraid of the suffering.
It’s life changing, I know.