Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call..
Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair and mysteriously sluggish toilets.
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include janitorial work throughout the facility..
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.
** AND A FOOTNOTE ‘THERE IS NO RETIREMENT — EVER!!
POSITION you are applying for: Father
Interested?
Your Blog is too good.
What a sweet thing to say. Thank you
My Pleasure!!
Super brilliant! Occasionally must wear super hero capes too! 😉
At first I thought this was a description of a mother but finally put 2 and 2 together when I got to the end and was reminded that it was closer to Father’s Day. Really, this could serve as a job description for either gender who fills the role of parent.
And PS to Ann – Although my husband and youngest daughter do not get along very well all the time – probably because their personalities are so similar – I have always felt that she thinks of him as her Super Hero Daddy, the guy who fixed her boo boo’s and her cars and killed all the bugs in the house before she moved far away and was forced to do it herself!
So true isn’t it! It’s gender neutral; though somehow it sounds more endearing if it’s pointed to Dads. i wonder why that is!
I’ve always been told a father-daughter relationship is always special. I’m sure your daughter misses her dad very much. 🙂
Love this!!
Hilarious but very close to reality….
Waiting for a similar job , but offered to women only….
I’m glad my dad accepted the job for the four of us kids.
too many bad candidates slipping through the cracks!!! kudos to all the fathers who take the job and do it well!
My own father slipped through the cracks, so I know what you mean.
The most telling line is “must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product”.
A good father has a profound impact not only on his child but ultimately on the world.
So true. Sadly, not everybody seems to get that part.
Great post!
Love this so much! Actually laughed out loud! Best part I thought was about he reverse salary and being happy about it!
That’s the right attitude 🙂