A Highly Sensitive Extrovert?

Last updated on September 27, 2023

During my childhood, it became clear to me that I perceived things differently than other kids my age. I became sad very quickly and took the suffering of other people very much to heart. When we watched a sad movie, I burst into tears and was heartbroken. This earned me the reputation of being very “touchy” and or overly sensitive. I took criticism and devaluations very seriously and felt very vulnerable.

And so I grew up, got older, and now, 59 years young, I still don’t understand everything about me.

The feeling of being overwhelmed very quickly when too much happens at the same time, combined with the great interest in the world, the desire for new things, constant need for stimulation such as travel and interesting human encounters.

I am very sensitive to smells, noises, and background noises and quickly get migraines in response when everything becomes too much for me. I find many materials scratchy and crinkle my nose when something doesn’t smell right. I thought I was just “spoiled” but how could that be?

At seminars or when working with others for months, I am often the first to go to bed and I prefer to enjoy the hotel breakfast in my room rather than with my colleagues. Too much social contact exhausts me, after two days at a workshop or conference I need two days to recover. Even as a child and adolescent, I was often tired quickly, always wanted to go home earlier rather than later, and even fell asleep in a disco once.

Many derogatory attributes came to my mind and I looked at myself as someone who simply has less energy, less resistant perhaps, not so hardened, less good at taking, and even lazy at times -which would explain how I became an expert in procrastinating EVERYTHING.

But…at the time I was successful in sports, tried to win (and won) competitions, and felt strong as an ox. In my 30’s my girlfriends called me Amazon, way before Amazon stole that name from me -and all the other Amazons.

All my life I fought for the underdogs and stood up against others even when it was only me and it felt right, yet afterward, I felt exhausted.

I was different and there was nothing I could do.

Never in my life would I have come up with the idea that it could also be due to the fact that I perceive things differently than other people, not only in the usual mental area but also on a physical level. Only once did the thought occur to me when an optometrist told me that I was lucky that I had 100% vision, “Lot of pixels on the retina, you can see HD and by far not all people have that.” Was he making fun of me?

I had chosen a career that constantly challenged me anew by dealing with a lot of different people, situations, and content, precisely because I also need stimulation. I get bored quickly, I don’t like to sit around alone at home, except to relax, think, and work in peace.

The balance between too much and too little stimulation is not easy, especially if you can’t stand routine and regularity.

I get bored with small talk and have big problems with pompous and inauthentic people. Dishonesty drives me crazy, so I am too honest. I have been called arrogant because I quickly lose interest and I’m an open book myself. You can tell right away how I’m doing, or whether I like someone or not. I don’t have enough energy to fool others. There are a lot of drawbacks to this, honesty-thing.

I also knew that I had a certain sensitivity and empathy. I can sympathize very well with people and situations and sense how they are doing and what they might need. A helpful tool when you deal with so many different people.

On one hand, the ability to have deep feelings is nice, for the longest time I thought everyone had them and that I just couldn’t handle them so well. I have been occupied with the problems of the world and other people for a long time. I dream intensely and even think about my dreams. Sometimes I’m exhausted from everything. I am all the more astonished that other people simply put away a lot of things, carry on, spend the whole week in meetings, go out in the evening, and create a full program with family and friends on the weekend (although they are also exhausted). I just wouldn’t be able to stand it, that’s why my life looks different. Phases of intense labor and phases of rest now alternate in a soothing and balanced form.

Recently, however, I stumbled across an article that said that HSP -High Sensitive Persons- can also be extroverted. I read the description of the HSE -High Sensitive Extroverts — and was speechless. That was, that’s me, in all facets, problems, contradictions, idiosyncrasies, needs, and values. I was incredibly relieved that there were people who obviously had a very similar experience of the world. I knew that because I was choosing partners and friends who were similar to me. For the longest time, I thought we all just collected oddballs and were drawn to each other because of it.

I could get tested, but what for? I have lived that long with it, the only thing that changed is that now I have a name for IT and an explanation. It doesn’t change a thing but now I understand myself better, which is a delightful bonus.

Of course, I don’t know if I’m really an HSE now, because I haven’t taken a test and the research on it is also controversial. But that’s not important at all, what is essential for me is that I feel very relieved and that this realization helps me to accept and appreciate myself.

“So that’s why I always cheer for the underdog and that’s why I can’t help but speak up when I witness injustice.” I am not crazy (ok maybe a bit) I am just doing it because it’s my nature.

That’s why I wrote this post because maybe there are others out there who feel the same way as I do.