It’s my blog and I hoped to be authentic and genuine, yet lately, I find myself tongue-tied in my head. There are so many things I want to write about, but I don’t do it and I am not sure why I hesitate. Am I getting older, not just on paper but also in my mind? Perhaps my ‘bite’ has become toothless and I pretend to be less critical.
The blogging world! So much to learn from each other, and so much to ‘see’ even if it’s just in a photograph, but so many of us show only parts of who we are. We show the good things and that’s understandable, we have enough negativity around us, we don’t need it in our posts. And I want to believe this rule so badly, but I find myself doubting it as quickly as I can finish my thought.
Just recently someone left a comment on my blog, “I didn’t read it all the way, it made me too sad,” she stated and I wondered about her mindset – and mine. I understand, that so many terrible things are happening around us – nationally and globally – and most of us feel sad and fearful about the future. The daily news has become more of a DAILY DOWNER. Perhaps the blogging world should give us an escape from reality?
And why it’s all so logical it’s exactly what bothers me the most. But that’s just me. If there is a field full of beautiful wildflowers, I will take a captivating picture like everybody else and then I will turn around and look for the weeds, the broken tree branch, the ‘imperfection’ in all its beauty.
It’s part of our life, the unfairness, the negativity, and the tears are components as are the laughter and the joy.
But how honest should I be on my blog? And what is truth and reality anyway? Is my reality close to yours, or do we all live a different one?
Right now I have death on my mind. A blogging friend has to face a life without her beloved husband soon, another blogging friend just had cancer surgery, and a lady is struggling with a recent harsh diagnosis.
My blogging friends have gotten older with me. Ten years is quite a long time. We share our lives, family, marriages, stories, anecdotes, photographs, and poetry. We share our love for our pets, and we write about the heartbreak we feel when we say goodbye.
I have gotten to know the children and the grandchildren of many (but will never remember all the names) and I fell in love with cats, dogs, and even a tortoise named Darwin. I have adored landscapes and structures in states and countries so far from me.
I would love to stay authentic because that’s when I am at peace and the most balanced. When there is no pretending, just a free mind, a free spirit, an unrestricted tongue or thoughts. That’s when my fingers fly over the keyboard, hardly touching a letter, that’s when STUFF writes itself.
…
What does being authentic mean?
We live in a world full of appearances. So many people only post the tips of their lives on Facebook and share frequently staged moments that do not reflect reality. People, building a facade to fit social ideals.
I suppose we all want to represent ourselves as our best to the outside world to make a good impression. On social media, on a date, at work in front of the boss and work colleagues, or even in your own circle of friends. This is completely normal. There are also situations in which we are expected to stick to certain social rules and possibly behave differently than we would like to do in reality.
At the same time, however, we also admire people who show themselves as they are. The brave ones who don’t care about the opinions of others and go through life so carefree. They are genuine, relaxed, and self-confident – authentic. Sounds honorable, but sounds hard too!
I like myself best when I am authentic, even though it means I show that I am far from perfect.
It takes courage
The word authenticity comes from the Greek “authentikos” and means genuine, unadulterated, or according to the facts. If you apply this term to a person, being authentic means expressing and acting according to your “true self”, which includes your own thoughts, emotions, needs, values, preferences, and beliefs or non-beliefs. In short, you know what you want and what is important to you, and you share it openly with the world and act accordingly. Then why the heck do I hold back?
Just yesterday I read a poem that made my heart skip a beat, or at least it felt like it. I teared up and felt a whirlwind of emotions. “I need to put this on my blog,” I thought but didn’t post it. It’s political, or perhaps religious, opinionated, and thought-provoking. It’s older but could have been written today.
It makes people uncomfortable, that’s why I hesitate. We need sunshine and rainbows, not thunder and rain. But right now it’s thundering everywhere and we can’t just wish it away. The poem? Maybe later, or it will be lost in my draft folder like so many others.
Don’t hesitate, Bridget, don’t question your impulse. Be you, even if it means you make people uncomfortable. Ok?
Perhaps authenticity is a form of self-knowledge and that includes knowing that others might not like this about you.
We all decide from day to day, where to draw our lines – how much to reveal. For me, peace is a priority. But it can be very helpful to know other people struggle with the same things I do and how we cope. Balance is important. I think you do a wonderful job.
Have always enjoyed your Posts.
Gwen.
Thank you so much.
Your posts are treasures that spur abundant thought, enhanced by your articulate writing. Thank you for that, Bridget. You’ve presented an excellent subject that would make for great discussion. Writing poetry, often feels like the soul expressing itself – the “true self” speaking, which feels like authenticity at its core. Your comment about, “… a free mind, a free spirit, an unrestricted tongue or thoughts” stood out to me as a similar feeling.
Your comments always touch my soul. You have a remarkable way with words.
Perhaps that’s why I love poetry, because it’s like a window to the soul? Good point.
Thank you for telling me that Bridget. My heart and soul thank you very much. I believe poetry can be a window to the soul, yes. Lovely. Honored to read and contribute to your thought-provoking posts. 🙏🏻
While we can’t read negative or sad all the time… we have to have them occasionally to help keep us balanced. You can’t have good without bad, happy without sad and so forth. Show me someone who is happy all the time and I’ll show you a fake person. Where I am headed with this rambling is POST IT! If it touched you and you want to share you absolutely should. I’d be willing to bet most of your readers admire your open honesty… we will stick with you through thick and thin, at least I will. It is up to me to decide if I want to or can handle reading it, it is up to you to share what you think is important, informative or just plain fun. (Sorry if this makes no sense… fatigue is high today, but I am still trying to move forward)
What a beautiful and passionate comment. Thank you, Leigha.
You are most welcome!
I have six draft posts that just need a little polishing and conclusions, but I just can’t seem to finish them.
Same. 😵💫😊
Only six. You are a genius 🙂
😂
It’s a fine line, to participate in the expected “stay informed” and somehow manage to maintain emotional equilibrium.
Honestly, since the pandemic, I’ve detached 99% from the news, at least the part that’s reported by networks. I don’t want to see it, hear it, go to bed worrying about it. Instead, I took a break and then slowly chose a few individuals (authors/journalists/other writers) whose writing voice I like, signed up for their newsletters or followed on social media, and managed to remain ‘in the know’ about world events.
What has changed is my mood. I’m not walking around the world as agitated, tense or easily annoyed by public behaviour.
It was a subtle transition, but I can honestly say I have not looked back. Cable is canceled, network social media is blocked, but I see enough of what is going on which allows me to then seek out the information I desire to know from the voice I choose to be informed from. Do you understand what I mean?
It got to be too much. It affected my health, my outlook and my disposition.
That’s how I changed to protect my emotional health.
Note: reading your accounts about certain world events, with the spin from your personal perspectives, gives me more authentic, personalized content than I would ever get from the commercially sponsored mass media. You are one I read. I learn from you. But you don’t focus only on x war or y genocide or z politics. You write about furniture refurbishing or relationships or other personal thoughts and events. It’s a pleasure to come to your blog and read you.
See what I’m saying?
You could have simply set a time limit 🙂
You are certainly authentic. In my blog I do hold back on the negative, especially if it concerns others; but nothing I record is false
I know that about you, Derrick. We got to know each other very well in all these years.
We have
Yes to when stuff writes itself (and there is no silly ego or fear to get in the way). 😉
How apt that I have just started re reading 1984 for the umpteenth time. Most of us have always been constrained by societal norms, by what we could or should say, or do. In most societies that has also been countered by freedom of speech and freedom to act in any reasonable manner, so long as it does not adversely affect others.
Modern trends have seen many now unwilling to speak their minds for fear of being castigated in social media, the press or, indeed, in their own social circles and now we have the added proliferation of gaslighting which seeks to manipulate our own perceptions, experiences or understanding of events.
What a complete and utter mess we have made of things.
Meanwhile Bridget, carry on exactly as you always have. I, for one, love you for it!
I just discovered a book called Wifedom which is about Orwell’s wife. She apparently had quite a bit of influence in her husband’s writing but was rarely publicly mentioned. This book brings her to the surface. I have it on hold in the library and can’t wait to read it. It might interest you, too.
Thank you, I shall seek it out!
1984 is a must read. I wish it would be given out in schools.
We live by certain social rules and as long as nothing happens, all is good. Our outlook changes when things don’t go as planned, that’s when we question the status quo we once believed in.
Perhaps I was lucky to experience unfortunate times?
It has always fascinated me how Nelson Mandela’s experiences shaped his future life.
I like knowing you are online at the same time, and we are talking 🙂
I have no idea how Nelson Mandela did it. The strengths he found, the choices he made. He was a remarkable human being.
If he could see what is happening now in South Africa I think he would be horrified!
Excellent post Bridget. You are right. Many blogs and Insta posts turn into the Bragna Carta. I did this, I saw this, I ate this and that is fine. But that is not who we are or who the poster is. We do need to talk about our feelings, even if carefully couched in a poem or a snippet of memory. We feel sad, we feel happy, we feel lonely, we feel depressed. To feel is to be human. Little else matters, not destinations, not possessions, not accomplishments, if they are all just a list of tick marks on a page or a wall. To express how we felt at the time, place or moment in the hopes it will inspire someone or give someone else a lift or help them know others feel the same way as they do is special. To end, all I would say is Feel Free. Allan
“Bragna Carta” too funny. I think that’s what I am most afraid of, to lose myself while trying not to hurt others.
This showing off, is something I don’t like at all.
I appreciate your thoughts and your comment very much.
Thanks, Bridget for a great, thought-provoking post. Your initial question, ‘Can I be authentic but not write about what I feel?’ In my view there are several answers. Here’s three of mine:
I like your answer. Thank you for taking the time to comment.
Again, thank you!
How concerned are you by other people’s opinions? There is much on social media I disagree with and I scroll on by, life is too short to be offended by everything. Sometimes I’m truly shocked by what people feel comfortable sharing but I’ll bet would never say it out loud in real-life. Share the poem that evoked such emotion, it may make others uncomfortable but that’s where learning lives. It’s down to your audience to decide what to do with it: scroll on, stop and ponder, reply etc
I am not concerned by other people’s opinions, but I am careful not to step on people’s toes or hurt their feelings. We call our readers ‘friends’ and we should treat them like friends.
I don’t participate on any other social media site, so I can only speak about the blogging world. I unfollow when I scroll down too often, but even then I say ‘bye’ which seems odd to many.
Bridget, I love it! The raw emotions put forth along with the honesty is straight up brave. I have taken posts down because I thought if might offend some readers but after consideration I re-posted them and thought “it’s my life to share and why not” I state on my about section that if you want to know about me come in and read the posts as they describe some of who I am and and if they like it or not is on them. Have a blessed day and stay strong to yourself.
I try not to offend people but like you, I have reposted some for the same reason. After all, it’s me. “Take it or leave it.” 🙂
I cannot open your blog, I tried numerous times.
I don’t understand people not being able to connect to my blog, I have talked to support and they say nothing is wrong but it continues… If you would like here is my blog link, http://www.dawgydaddyresponds.org
Have a great day.
The link works. Super, thank you.
http://www.dawgydaddy.org
Offend schmoffend. People who are offended by intelligent thoughts written on public platforms can go bury their heads in the sand. 🙃
I hear you. Speaking for myself as a reader, I am interested in what’s on your mind and in your heart. The things you feel compelled to share that are true to you. I love the “be weird, be random” quote you included “because you never know who would love the person you hide”. (I’d say love and/or learn from.) Thank you, Bridget.
I am more interested in the person behind the screen then I am with stories or photos.
Staying true to myself is important and once in a while I question my motivation and my priorities. I guess (or hope) that’s normal.
You do it very well. ♥️
She does it incredibly well. 😊
The simple act of sharing, via the web, has been made suspect by the advent of a bevy of outwardly avaricious and increasingly ever-present on-line “influencers”.
A post, damn near any post, is now subject to the why of what motivated the writer. And I think this gives all bloggers pause. Does me. And I feel that is truly unfortunate.
Nice post…nice write.
Oh, don’t get me started on influencers or should I call them manipulators?
Thank you for you comment. You are right. We live at a time where we have to tip toe around and question every move we make.
Like I said, it’s a choice. Ignore and move on. Influencers are a trend and short-lived.
To choose to read, watch, listen to an influencer is a choice. I’m all over the internet and have learned how to avoid or not be influenced by influencers. Instead I found fascinating people with creative and stimulating content which provide me with inspiration for my own creativity. 🤷♀️
Being “Authentic” is the new buzz word.
I get praised on one site for being authentic, and they cannot know the true me. To know me is to know my background, my upbringing, my challenges and my triumphs, and the only one that knows all those things IS me.
I think authentic is used as a measuring stick now. They compare what I say and do to what they think is the real me…only, as I said, they cannot know the true me. I was watching a show where a sociopath broke down on the stand in court. The jury leaned in, the judge leaned in, then she straightened herself and returned to her emotionless demeanor. “I can be just as authentic as the next guy.” It was a shock to all present.
Present the poem. Then tell us how it moved you. Or don’t.
Do you write for your readers or for yourself? If you find that writing authentically about what you want to write makes the words fly onto the page, do that. If you find writing authentically makes you anxious about how your readers will react, then you know you don’t write for yourself, you write for them. That’s ok too. You don’t even have to be consistent. Some posts you write for yourself, and some you share to bring awareness to your readers.
I think being authentic is a personal choice. It’s important to me, because at the end of the day, I have to live with my actions and pretending is not good for my inner peace. 🙂
I can see why being authentic might be a ‘hot’ topic in today’s world. Too many are pretending and have lost all credibility by doing so.
I write for myself but use the sharing very selfishly to interact with other bloggers. Also, I do like the input I get.
In the moment I will feel that I cannot be true to myself, that’s when I will pull the plug on my blog.
Am I anxious about how my readers react? No! But I am anxious to know if I am a crazy person? LOL
I think being authentic isn’t even so much the issue. Most GenX and Boomer writers I enjoy reading write authentically. The point, for me, is the subject matter. If you only write about, say, the war in Ukraine, no matter how authentically you may present your perspectives, I will probably stop reading after a while. There are other things to read, things that don’t bury me in anxiety and worry for the rest of the day and week.
Great post. I’m like you, I have held back numerous of times in being truly authentic and have wanted more than anything to write what I’m really feeling inside. But then the thought pops in my head, no one wants a Debbie downer or a negative Nancy. So here lately I’ve been writing positive and uplifting poetry. Like you said in your post, there’s enough negativity in the world, no need to create more.
BUUUT! At the same time, by being my authentic self and writing what I truly feel inside, who knows I could possibly help someone struggling with something similar. So it’s a damned if you do, damned if you don’t kind of feeling.
It’s it terrible. We have names now. Debbie Downer, Karen or negative Nancy, just to name a few when we speak up, or when we point out something that is obvious to us, but others don’t want to hear.
You are right, we are damned if we do and damned if we don’t. Well, if we are damned anyway, we might as well have fun. 🙂
Amen to that! 😊
I have held back a little this week in my writing. Unless I share it in June chit-chat. But I doubt I will. So I am a little quieter in myself here and away from here. And quiet in my head.
I am not quiet in my head, as I stated before, it’s more like a junk drawer, which is the problem. 🙂
Yes, I seen you mention that. 🙂 I am surprised I don’t have some kind of a drawer issue going on in my head right now. But it’s in a quiet mood as the rest of me. In a bit of a low mood as well. But I will settle with quiet and low. 🙂
I admire you for your quiet mood and mode. I have to meditate to quiet myself down.
My quiet mood and mode may be down to lots of things I have been over the years to get me there. Plus my Tai Chi. So although I am feeling low, my quiet mood and mode may not all be down to the low mood I am in and just from my Tai Chi.
This is what happened to me. That’s why I wrote what I did in my comment.