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We have arrived at a place of togetherness, and we now have an understanding. We are one, inseparable. We are beautiful together. We belong together. My scar and I complete each other.
Every morning, I carefully apply sun lotion. The scar is visible, but it fits in nicely. Curved, to match my neckline, it’s right above my necklace. The perfect frame for something we like to call imperfection. It’s almost like my scar is showing off a bit.
My smile is back, my calcium levels are under control. I have found what works for me. Two Calcium gummies in the morning – oh sweet yumminess – and a Kale-Fruit-Smoothie with almond milk for breakfast. Isn’t life wonderful when you have so many choices that you can experiment with foods? Aren’t we all rich?
“Find what works for you,” my doctor advised me. It’s not just the bloodwork that gives us results. It’s also my smile, my sleep, my fitness, my energy level, my joints, my overall wellness, or unwellness.
My scar and I have healed together. The last five months were eventful. We hurt a bit at times, and we disliked each other at moments. I can’t speak for my scar, but I have to confess I wasn’t too fond of it at first.
I started to feel good last week. I had found a version of the old me, but different. Do we grow with each scar? Do we get wiser with acceptance?
The first night I slept through again, I didn’t want to get up. I deserved to just lie there, perhaps all day. The dogs disagreed, and so did my stomach. Wakey, wakey! “Feed me!”, “Feed us”.
Healing doesn’t mean change, but letting go of something. I think of it as a transformation. It’s not the end. Healing is wrapping yourself in a cocoon so you can emerge transformed.
I felt a little empty when I first experienced true healing. It was bittersweet. But that’s only because I needed to learn how to interact with the world in healthier ways. I needed to fit into my world, the new me, the old me, the transformed me.
I’m still me.
Did I ever say a proper goodbye to my thyroid? “It was nice at the beginning, and it lasted a long while, but somehow, at the end, it was a toxic relationship. Bye, old friend. I feel better without you. No hard feelings.”
Did I ever welcome the new medication bottle on my nightstand? “Hi there…thank you for helping me out.”
Synthetic hormones in a small pill. And there I was, thinking at 61-ish, you don’t need hormones anymore. “Look how much I know!”
My scar and I we healed together. For two weeks now, we have been best friends. I am…excuse me, WE are ready to conquer the world again.
My scar and I are happy now.
Our scars are part of our life story and hopefully they are reminders of helping our bodies along the way!
I guess we develop wisdom as a form of self-defense when we get older. 🙂
Check out my blog, you might find my discussions interesting….
Each scar builds a stronger you! Wear it with pride. Let that happiness warm you and all around you.
We grow, we learn. I suppose that’s what life is all about.
Thank you for the moving essay. So glad your smile is back. 😊
Yes, my smile is back. Thank you so much for reading and commenting.
You’re very welcome. Take care. 🌼
Heal withe the chant of ‘Omm’
Healing with every ‘omm’ I take.
I’m still learning from my own experience, from the experience of others, Bridget, the journey we all go on with physical, mental and spiritual scars. I’m no expert, but it seems that there are stages – hatred and resentment… begrudged acceptance… willing welcome… recognition of beauty. Accepting where we are on that journey seems to be the key.
Accepting no matter what might be one of the pillars of happiness. Now, with age it seems to get easier.
This is so beautifully written and unusually insightful and honest. Moving. Thank you. Love to you ꨄ︎
What a sweet comment. Thank you, Cindy. I almost overlooked it.
My scar reminds me that I am strong. You’re strong! It’s obvious.
May we both stay strong.
Yes, we will
“Do we grow with each scar? Do we get wiser with acceptance?” Wise questions. I like to think that I’ve grown with my scars, but it’s definitely a process. A learning experience.
Yes it is a learning experience. Acceptance doesn’t come easy, but perhaps the process is also part of learning. Thank you so much for reading and commenting.
I have learned quite a few things reading this post besides the fact you and your thyroid unfortunately have had to part company. Glad you have been able to make the parting amenable. As I am fully medically trained from way back (tho’ that did not end up as my long term profession) and have now been studying natural medicine since mid-nineties and have always created a vitamin ‘portfolio’ myself, I must admit that I have stupidly taken my magnesium and the very necessary vit D in the mornings, using the first basically for leg cramps at night – shall try see whether night-time usage might help my busy brain oft refusing to go to sleep better? Anyways – best to you!
I have Rheumatoid Arthritis, an autoimmune disorder. I was tortured by nightly leg crams until a nurse asked me to drink a bottle of coconut water every night before I go to bed. I like BAI (I am not sure where you exactly live) because it’s not overly sweet but rather refreshing. Ever since ***knock on wood*** I have to deal with it very seldom. When I don’t eat enough carbohydrates, because hey we all follow the protein train willingly, that’s when they got worse. One night it got so bad that I called the EMT’s at a nearby firedepartment at 4 am in the morning. The told me, and they were correct, that the coconut water gives me potassium, which is needed if you have leg cramps but on days (or weeks) when I don’t eat enough carbs, I should drink 1/2 cup of pidialyte at night and voila. No more leg crams ***knock on wood***. In my case it’s a electrolyte inbalance, caused by my healthy eating liftstyle and by my RA. I hope this might help you. Try the coconut water, if you find the right brand that suits you, it might help. As for magnesium and vitamin D, yes, please, take it at night. None of this is my wisdom, but the knowledge was given to me when I needed it.
Thanks so very much for taking the time to pass on your experiences. I write to you from 100kms south of Sydney, Australia – thought I may have said 🙂 ! And am Estonian-born and became a full medical doctor at Sydney University way back when but married and joined my husband’s family firm, also in the distant past. Now studying at three US universities literally out of interest and for ‘fun’ +++, so I DO have the latest knowledge, just sometimes do not think of the obvious regarding myself 🙂 ! I do have the very necessary green tea at night 🙂 !
I have learned that most doctors -at least here in the US- don’t get too much training and knowledge in nutrition. I actually had to start searching overseas and when I got diagnosed in 2014, I had a lot of questions and didn’t found many answers. I speak a few languages (by trade I am/was a translator and interpreter) I searched all over the world. I found doctors in India, and a group of doctors in Germany who got me started. Back then, naively still believing that I would heal myself I was willing to try anything and almost everything. I am dairy-free, gluten-free and I don’t eat too much protein (because it hurts me). I wrote a food-pain journal for many years. I do believe we all ‘tick’ differently and what works for me, might not work for everybody.
As for the green tea. Goodness I envy you that you can drink it at night. I love it but have to stop drinking it around 2 pm or I re-arrange the furniture in our home in the middle of the night, or I bounce of the wall. 🙂
You are a busy lady. I applaud you. It’s such an honor to get to know you.
The FUN is mutual 🙂 🙂 🙂 !
I love this post, love your attitude and you and your scar’s new beauty, together.
Thank you so much. The right attitude seem to make it easier.
I’m glad things are settling down now and it’s all working out for you, Bridget – I’m still putting off surgery for now, but may have to think about it more seriously if my thyroid grows any bigger…
Don’t let it grow too big. In my case, it grew and while we focused on my thyroid, we overlooked my windpipe. My thyroid had shifted my windpipe by almost 1″ and that’s when it got a bit complicated. 🙂
The thyroid removal is not such a big deal. However, regulating my calcium level on a dairy free diet, that was a bigger issue, so was the adjustment of the synthetic hormone I now take. First it was too low, then too high and the waiting period between blood work is always six weeks, so it all took a while. Now life is good and my neck is small. 🙂
Congratulations! It sounds like you are healing well.
Thank you so much. Yes, everything healed well and I adjusted nicely.
You’re very welcome!
I love the way you worded this. I also love your attitude.
Thank you, Darlene. I am glad you liked my post.
So glad that you and she are best friends now and have combined to take on all comers!
It took a while but we are at peace 🙂 (I wish the world would be to).
Oh, yes, please!
I’m so glad you’ve found the new you and are ready to embrace her. I’ve been on thyroid replacement meds for 7 years now, but I was much luckier than you; my thyroid just stopped working, it didn’t need to be removed. I’ve give anything to be able to sleep through the night, however!
I take magnesium (calm) before I go to bed. It’s not a sleep medicine but it helps you relax. I take it because I need the electrolytes. I also eat a Kiwi at night and take my vitamin D before I go to bed. All of this helps people sleep and it works for me. I am out as a light and sleep dreamless through the night. It was a struggle there for a while. I hit menopause and lie awake for hours. No more 🙂
I’ll have to give Kiwi a try. I’ve tried magnesium and Vit D! Sigh.
You know what’s my biggest problem? I hear everything in the night. Our dogs, my husband getting up. I am a light sleeper, which does not help when you want to sleep through the night. I have an Alexa on my nightstand (mainly a speaker) and when I can’t fall asleep I order him (my Alexa is male) to play. “Ambience, white noise for sleep for 1 hr.” I never understood what the fuzz about ‘white noise’ is until I tried it. It freezes my brain. 🙂 I have even tried to play it only for 10 minutes and I still don’t hear when it turns off.
I used to be a great sleeper. I’ve had restless leg syndrome for decades, but once I was asleep, no problem. Now I find I have this old person problem having to go notre (altogether too) frequently, and every time I get up for that reason my RLS takes over and torments me. That’s what I was trying the Magnesium for. Good thing I don’t have to get up and go to work in the morning! My son has recommended white noise; maybe I’ll give that a try after I eat a kiwi!!
If you now feel a personal attachment to your scar, you may want to name her. 🙂
It’s not so easy to accept a rather large scar that you see every day when you look at yourself in the mirror. The other ones are hidden under clothing or they are smaller, and insignificant. This one shows and it’s still relatively fresh, even though almost five months have passed. It was pink and bulky at first and everybody starred at it -including myself. To accept it as a part of me was a process. To be able to look at myself and smile at my reflection, was not as easy as I thought it would be. Turns out even now, being older, I am still a bit vain and try to look ‘good’.
So, as for naming it, there is no need. It’s ‘me’ now. A part of me that I accept.
That’s a wonderful attitude, Bridget. 😁