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That’s the only principle I live by, to be unapologetic myself. To be me and to allow myself to be me, even if it makes me feel uncomfortable at times.
I have spent decades trying to be the way I thought other people wanted me to be. I had convinced myself how I needed to be.
“I am sorry” was my standard remark for decades. I was different, not as a person, but my history was different. The kid who was raised by grandma. The student who had no family. The poor young woman without family. The tall one, the one with an accent.
The one who didn’t have kids. The foreigner.
I tried so hard to fit in. “I am sorry” became a part of me, and I overused it every day.
One day, I woke up and told the world and everybody in it to go and fuck themselves. I was tired, and I realized that pretending is exhausting.
I don’t want to be everybody’s darling. I don’t want to sugarcoat. I want to stand up and say “Fuck Mother’s Day” because so many feel the same way. I want to wear sneakers and goofy socks, I want to color my hair purple and pink, because I don’t think there is an age limit to express myself. I want to wear pumps with jeans if I feel like it.
I allow myself to not believe and hand the bible back to the customer who thought I needed one—because it’s her belief, and with that she trampled mine.
I give myself permission to find ‘ugly’ things beautiful and beautiful things ‘fugly’.
I get up and speak up when I feel it’s the right thing to do. I want to root for the underdog, want to help the ones who might not be deserving. I am all but everybody’s darling, and pretending doesn’t even work in the virtual world. “Fu** you as well, I can’t be friendly to everybody; I just don’t want to be, it’s dishonest.”
I want to be unapologetically me—preferably always. Because only then am I truly happy, and only then can I make people around me happy.
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I have apologized for years, because I usually believe I did something wrong. I haven’t and I am slowly learning that. I am so glad you have the courage to face life unapologetically. You give a good example of the power of having that freedom to those of us not quite there yet.
I think women get raised to be apologetic. If I would have a dollar for every time I said “I am sorry,” goodness, I would be rich.
As a recovering people pleaser, I relate to Derrick’s comment that sometimes this takes a lifetime But I’m making steady progress. Thank you for the inspiration!
“Recovering people please” this gets me each and every time. Thanks for the giggle. I know so very well what you are trying to say. I am still kind of in recovery myself. 🙂
I need to remember to giggle at myself, too. 🙂
There’s strength in authenticity, sure—but empathy and self-awareness matter too. Sometimes a little compromise or softness doesn’t make you fake, it just makes you human.
I can be unapologetically me, and still have empathy (perhaps even too much). As for self-awareness, that’s also an ‘age thing’. One of the many presents we get we get older.
My compliments for your courage!:)
You make me sound better than I am. Thank you. I am not sure if it’s courage or just a normal stage of aging. To accept yourself for you are.
Well, couldn‘t it be both🤣
It sometimes takes a lifetime to get there
It took me a long time, but it’s an enjoyable place to be.
Well said. Agreed!
Thank you, Maria.
This is self confidence
That, or the ‘I don’t give a shit’ feeling, which seems to come with age. 🙂
I see two differences here as far as I am concerned. I DO often say ‘I am sorry’ if I believe I have been undiplomatic or have not understood the other person or am ignorant of what they are talking about . . . but I have never ever thought about apologizing about who I am or how I think or believe . . . I am ‘me’ – if that does not ‘fit in’ with who you are the proverbial 6 1/2 degrees are so easily reached in courtesy and peace . . . we are all individuals > how boring an unadventurous to try and be ‘the same’ 🙂 !
You were born confident which is wonderful. I had to find my way. I didn’t ‘fit in’ by nature and circumstances, so it was a learning process and well worth it.
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In my case – not ‘born confident’ – but I was the only child of two ‘achievers’ already in their mid-thirties when I was born – they simply took me along everywhere from the day I could walk and talk and I guess I saw how they behaved and copied 🙂 !!! Learned early on what worked and where I got a ‘grumpy look’ 🙂 !
What a lovely, honest statement Bridget. I was going to write “Don’t ever change”, but I know that you won’t! I love the freedom that being older gives me.
When we age we discover wisdom and once in a while we dip into it. What’s there to lose?
Let your light shine brightly any way you choose Bridget. You are the only one that matters. As you said, people can F.O.C.U.S.
F.O.C.U.S. is a good one. 🙂 I hope I will shine bright most of the time and seldom dim. Thanks, Ernie.
Absolutely well said ! So many of us apologize all the time.. just for being us. It’s a hard habit to break. But I think I will follow your lead on this and stop. Even just writing that gives me an anxious frisson.. but also a sense of interesting anticipation 🤗
Bev, I think apologizing all the time is a female trade, and you are right, it’s a hard habit to break. It’s not that I don’t care, rather the opposite, but I simply don’t care anymore if I fit in, or what other people might think. It’s peaceful.
Peaceful sounds good to me 🤗
Sinatra sings that song, “I gotta be me!”
I say that to myself because “If I am not me, who’s going to take my place? I gotta be me–everyone else is taken.” Scenes from “Face Off” and “Freaky Friday” movies come to mind. Consequently I’m the odd duck, the toxic grandma, the narcissistic braggart with the attention-span of a gnat. All those labels placed on me by people who don’t have the slightest inkling of who I am. I bet there’s a way to turn that into an advantage…hmmm….
It’s society that ‘labels’ us as different, because we don’t fit easily in one of the drawers they think we have to fit in.
Everything and everybody who is different is considered ‘strange’ and they fear it. Now I am at an age where I realize that in reality they sometimes envy us. Not always but sometimes.
I am perfectly normal, just not a pretender and I am happy to be that way. I am the most easy-going person you will ever meet. What you see (hear) is what you get. No back-stabbing, no guessing games. 🙂
That is truly refreshing. I find that the people I tend to hang out with also don’t have that label filter that keeps them from saying or doing anything outside the norm. And the definition of “norm” is getting smaller and smaller.