Goodbye Dozer~!

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If you follow the famous cooking blog RecipeTinEats, then you know Nagi and Dozer and their story—and you have cooked many of the wonderful recipes.

I know I am not the only one who often (mostly) jumped down to Dozer’s picture first when I looked at a new recipe, because that’s what dog lovers do, we understand the love and pride one feels for their pet, because we feel the same love and pride for ours. We needed to see what Dozer was doing as much as we wanted to try Nagi’s newest food creation. They were a pair; they belonged together.

Today, Nagi let us all know that her beloved companion Dozer has died. I read the post, saw the beautiful pictures, and I understood the heartbreak and the sorrow Nagi feels right now. Been there, done that, multiple times, and will be there soon again, because our little Patches will be 11 this year.

Does it get better with time? Yes, as grieve always does. It doesn’t go away, but it transforms into a memory film and special pictures, and, oddly, over time, it gives us warmth and comforts us. The reassurance of knowing that we were loved by a pet, a special dog, a special cat, or like in my friend’s case, a very special bird.

Losing a beloved pet is always a turning point in our lives. We lose the being that gave us love so unconditionally. We lose our friend, our cuddle and play partner, and we lose our routine actions.

When my first dog died, I felt lost. He had been my best friend, my family, my partner. When he was gone, my small apartment felt empty. Often, I grabbed the leash or I got up to fill the waterbowl, just to realize it all wasn’t needed anymore. Forty years ago, I still remember my first Blacky as I always will.

Only those who have already lost a pet themselves can understand how you feel. People around us often react with incomprehension, along the lines of “Why is he or she so upset? It was just an animal.” But that’s exactly what it wasn’t. It wasn’t just an animal. It was a confidant that we now sorely miss.

Mourning for an animal is not much different from mourning for a human, sometimes even worse (which sounds terrible, but it is the truth), because pets are with us every day and at night.

Immediately after the death of a beloved animal, we fall into shock; we cannot and do not want to believe what has happened. I felt so helpless, and I know Nagi feels the same way. This mourning phase forms the beginning of the grieving process. It can last a few hours, but often days.

What can you do?

I don’t have all the answers, but with time, I learned that grief is as different as we humans are. We all experience it differently, and we all find our way to live with it. There is no one-fits-all solution. I seem to love our dogs more than I love most humans, and therefore, I fall into the abyss when we lose another dog. They are with me all day long, because I work at/from home. They are our dogs, but they are my best friends. In my workroom, in the house, in the yard, in the car. Where I go, they go. They are partners, friends, companions, four-legged soulmates, best friends, and workout buddies. They always listen, they always feel with us. They are happy and sad with us.

Depending on how close the relationship with the pet was, the grieving phase can last for different lengths of time. The circumstances of the death can also play a role in the course of this mourning phase. One of our dogs just dropped dead, no warning, no last hug, he was just gone from one second to the next. I run around in disbelief for days. Isn’t it the same feeling we have when we lose a beloved friend or family member without warning? I haven’t figured out what is easier. Is it the knowing and watching or the loss that comes suddenly? Which one is worse? Both equally, but different, I suppose.

I mourn deeply because I love deeply. It’s that simple. I always visit places of remembrance, review shared experiences, and have silent dialogues with the departed animal. This mourning phase can be beautiful, but also very painful. I believe I need this to take the next step and say yes to (further) life.

What can you do?

I hope Nagi will take as much time as she needs for her grief. Will she cook up a storm? Perhaps. Will she hibernate in her home and rest during this phase? Maybe.

Gradually, inner peace will set in. The pain will fade into the background, and we, the mourners, accept death as part of life, and often we make new plans, which oftentimes include a new four-legged friend. Not as a replacement, but because if you are a dog lover, that’s just what you need to do.

RIP Dozer

You will live on in our hearts and in our memories.

Some animals live on in blogs and books.

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In memory of Norman, Cookie, Leia, and Muffin