Last updated on October 21, 2015
I wrote to my Mother years ago, a letter that I never send, a letter that she never read. There was no need to send it, it wasn’t meant for her in the first place. I didn’t know if she was still alive or not, I didn’t know where she was and didn’t want to know.
I wrote a letter to her, because I wanted to let go. I wanted to let go of my past, wanted to free the ghost that was hunting me. It all happened so long ago, I wanted to let all the bad feelings go…and so I did. I wrote down what I felt, forgave her and wished her well.
It took me weeks to write it, it was a long letter. I changed the wording, deleted curse words, had to add on, because I remembered something I had forgotten to mention.
One night I walked outside with a glass of wine, sat down and read the letter quietly. I sat there for a long time afterwards and then I burned the letter. It felt good, I had “said” what I wanted to say. A weight lifted of my shoulder, I had faced my demons.
Days later I met with my best friend, she knew about this part of my childhood and I told her about the letter. She was proud of me and gave me a hug. Then she said “Now, when you meet your Mom in an afterlife, you two will have a better relationship.” I listen to her and the first thought that came to my mind was “Hell, No”.
So today I would like to add a Postscriptum to my letter to Mother
PS. Just in case there is an afterlife. I wish you well, have fun and enjoy, but please don’t bother me in case we might be “living” on the same floor. I have forgiven, but I will never forget~!
Dear Mom
Write a letter to your mom. Tell her something you’ve always wanted to say, but haven’t been able to.
Ladybug! Sei italiana anche tu!
A year before I met Hubby, I briefly dated someone. Long story short, I wound up writing a letter expressing my feelings over the “stuff” I wasn’t happy about. Initially, that letter was meant to be mailed. After I wrote it though, I realized I didn’t need to. All that mattered was that I’d communicated and owned those feelings. Thank you.
Sometimes parents lose their children as well.
I didn’t lose my parents. My parents were abusive alcoholics who would have beaten the life out of me, if they would have the chance. I lived with my Grandmother for the rest of my childhood, because she cared for me.
So wonderful you freed yourself by writing, the burning so symbolic, so cathartic. As you said you will never forget, and you are fortunate to have had a grandmother who was there for you and made the difference in your life. I say Bravo to this post and to you. <3 <3
It must be my day to read really sad posts … and I add this one to the list, along with the comments.
How terrible to be estranged from one’s parents. Parents are supposed to be our ultimate cheerleaders and support us emotionally through the good and bad. My condolensces that you *lost* yours long before you should have … and in a way that left emotional scars.
Oh my, I didn’t mean to make anyone sad. Many children had a similar childhood. My generation never talked about it. We “stood” on the sidelines and pretended everything was alright at home…when it wasn’t. Child abuse or child molestation happened behind closed door. Today at least we can talk about it openly. Today a child can reach out to authorities, teachers and other adults.
I think I am so honest about it, because I want others to know that it is OK to have bad parents. They are not alone. It’s like the battered wife syndrome, you think it is your fault, because you don’t understand.
I moved in with my Grandmother, never saw my parents again. I had the best childhood one can imagine with her.
Did it leave emotional scares? I don’t know. Maybe I am so gentle and such a goofball because of it? Maybe that’s why I am such a happy chipper 🙂
Thank goodness for an amazing Grandmother! I grew up without grandparents so that’s an experience I can’t relate to. So glad it made you a happy chipper 🙂
I’d like to write one of those to MIL. OMG. Basically, “Don’t bother, you’ve been a drag all the way through and it’s only gotten worse!” And you’re right……I’ll never forget….still trying hard on the forgiveness, but it isn’t easy!
MIL? Mother in Law? It took me 30 years to be able to forgive. But I will never forget. I will never forgive my father for letting it happen. I don’t even pretend I could. He is never mentioned by me…EVER!
Yes, sorry mother-in-law. And I use that term “mother” lightly. Never have known anyone so remote with her own children. A childhood is a terrible thing to waste and so much damage. And she was even worse with me. But whatever….like you, it just isn’t mentioned here. Much better that way. Move onward and upward!
I moved in with my Grandmother when “things” escalated and had the best childhood ever since. It’s like I saw it both..Heaven and Hell.
Am very glad at least some of your childhood was of the storybook kind! Every child deserves that!
I have written that letter (same spirit, different words) to both of my parents, and have the same post script. Thanks for sharing.
Wow, I didn’t know that about you. I haven’t written to my father -yet. He was the enabler, the one who let things happen. He is never on my mind, it’s like I erased him and everything that came with him. I am so glad I am not the only one
^_^ Eh, sometimes in order to live in the Now, one must let go of the Past. They are in my past. Dad was absent, Mom was… mom. I wrote my letters and they are smoke in the wind.
I enjoy getting to know you. Thank you for your honest replies -always.
Oh how I love your honesty, girlfriend! That was a fabulous post. My relationship with my mom would be so different if she were here today. I learned so much after she passed on. I may tackle this post.
The assumption that every parent is a good parent is wrong and a fairy tale.
My mom won’t be in my Heaven. It’s made up of dogs, some cats, a horse and a few select people. And a forest and mountains and a river. I can’t and won’t forgive her. I don’t hate her and I do understand her and that’s the best she’s getting. 🙂
Mine neither, I wrote the post scriptum just in case -to cover all the bases. It wouldn’t be Heaven without our beloved animals.
I had a father. I hope we never meet again. In any dimension.
Hai tutta la mia comprensione!
Il fatto di scrivere e poi bruciare le rimostranze verso tua madre , ti hanno certamente liberato…..
Adesso e’ ora di dire “basta”! Enough is enough!
Gli anziani riguardano troppo il passato :-).
It was healing and necessary, hey I saved money for a shrink 🙂