The iHoudini – the best phone for people over 50

Last updated on March 13, 2016

I got the newest version of iPhones, the iHoudini. It’s a phone that they must have developed just for people my age (50+).

I don’t really know how the phone does it, but I swear one moment it’s there and then the next POOF it’s gone. The iHoudini is an escape artist and never disappoints to surprise me. Take today for example, I was working and had my phone with me -I know that because I made a call- and then in a split second when I got sidetracked, then it escaped (again).

I get it, I am older and need my exercise, but chasing after my phone was not what I had in mind to stay fit. Nevertheless, it seems to be my daily workout routine now. I don’t need a private trainer or a gym membership; I get my regular workout right here in my own home.

Bending and lifting:

This is my warm up phase. I bend down numerous times, look under chairs and tables, pick up smaller and larger obstacles to see if the iHoudini might be hiding underneath. I repeat that between 3-10 times -depending on how desperate I am.

Walking and Stepping:

First I just walk a few steps back and forth, but quickly I pick up speed and go from room to room, while searching the entire house. The iHoudini can’t be trusted, so I have to walk through all the rooms a couple of times, always in the hope to catch the phone while it’s resting, because I believe its capable to move from room to room. I can’t prove it yet, but I am sure of it.

Cardio and Stepping:

Our bedrooms are on the second floor and sometimes I include stair-stepping in my workout program, on days, when I can’t remember if I had made a call or not -what pretty much means I do the cardio and stepping workout on a daily base as well. Betty Davis was right, aging is not for sissies; it is tough business.

Meditation and Relaxation:

I like that part the best, it’s the perfect ending of a good work-out. I sit still, close my eyes and concentrate on the iHoudini. I try to picture it in my mind. I don’t just picture the phone, no; try to recall all my steps since I woke up at the same time. I have a hard time focusing, but I am making progress and I am getting better at it. It’s hard for me to sit still and sometimes I jump up and do a quick walk-bend-stretch routine, before I sit down again. Relaxation and Meditation is not as easy as it seems.

Lazy days:

I am not perfect; there are days when I don’t feel like working out. Then, when the iHoudini disappears, I just pretend not to care. Sometimes I turn around and give it the finger, but I don‘t do it too often. Who knows what the phone will do, if it ever finds out. I can hide my nervousness very well on the outside, but on the inside I am on high alert. I am just waiting for the familiar ringtone “Hello, is it me you’re looking for” so I can pretend that I knew all along where iHoudini was hiding. Sometimes I snicker inside, because I can just imagine how much I must piss off my phone.

I don’t get the newest technology anymore, a lot of things seem to fly over my head these days.

I know I have a GPS-thingy that is build into my phone, this way I will be able to locate it, in case a dumb person would ever steal my not-so-smart phone. It’s comforting to know that can locate it outside our home, but I can’t locate it in my own. That makes me feel really good.

I can locate my car anytime and anywhere, thanks to the automatic door-opener-thingy. My car blinks and honks when I am lost it in the parking lot, why can’t my phone? Is that too much to ask for? A simple honk-blink-alarm would come in handy.

Now I have to go and borrow my husband’s phone -again- to locate my iHoudini, because I missed my workout while writing this post. Calling myself with a different phone, to find a smart phone that’s too dumb to know when it’s lost, that’s my all time favorite entertainment these days. That and searching for my glasses.