I wish our refrigerator could talk. I mean why not? Everything else seems to be able to talk these days; GPS systems, phones, check out registers and cars, so why can’t our appliances talk?

My husband is out of town until tomorrow. I am alone at home, it’s just me and our dogs. I have spring cleaning on my mind. That and food! I don’t really cook for myself when my husband is not around. I mean I cook, but nothing substantial; I survive on leftovers, salads, soups and vegetables and I am normally totally fine with it.

Then there are days like today. It’s cold outside and I want “something.” I have a craving for something that I can’t pinpoint and that’s when I become THE WALKER.

I am walking, searching the house for something that I would love to eat. I don’t know what I want, but I know we don’t have what I could want. It’s not here -nothing speaks to me -so to speak.

I have been at least 10 times in the kitchen today and each and every time I opened and closed our refrigerator in the search of the unknown.

An intelligent woman looks into the refrigerator 10 times, in the hope that the inventory inside might have changed. “Maybe now there will be something in there that I haven’t seen before?” (Really?)

How pathetic am I? And who is supposed to stock our refrigerator other than me, when I am alone at home? The dogs? Yeah, I bet they are going to put some chocolate cake in there.

That’s why I wish that our refrigerator could talk and I wish it would talk dirty to me. Like in a George Clooney voice:

“Hey Baby, you again? Can’t get enough today?”  Imagine how embarrassing that would be. (Busted!)

Or maybe Brad Pitt’s voice:

“Hey Babe, wanna get naked? I love curves, let me look at hose hips again?” (Door-slamming and cursing)

Yes, a talking refrigerator would come in handy today, because the way it looks like I am going to spend the rest of the day looking for the ultimate non-existing treat.

Dirty