I was a bouncy, happy little girl who was full of questions and laughter. The silence came later when I grew up and rooted deeper.
But first, there was a riot. When I tried to be quiet, the noises got louder.
Old pain found its way upward, showed me that it wasn’t forgotten, just because I had decided to keep it bottled up. I questioned the present and started to organize the future.
What now? Why here? I had fantasy dialogues with myself, made silent deals and pleas.
The stillness that surrounded me gave me nothing; it made me nervous and jumpy. The people around me seemed to enjoy this experience. It gave them great joy. Whatever they were talking about, didn’t happen to me. I didn’t solve world peace; I didn’t find my inner peace. I sat in a room full of silent people and felt highly nervous.
I was at a meditation retreat, and it would be a long weekend. I had wasted my money, couldn’t wait for it all to be over. What a stupid idea it all had been.
The silence left me unsettled; there was a riot in my head. Inside it gets louder when the outside world has gone quiet. I sat there, stared at the white wall and wondered what they would serve for lunch.
So many noises, not just within me. People were shifting their positions; some dared to clear their throat. Footsteps in the hallway, a fly was buzzing around me. This meditation thing wasn’t working for me. This was boredom hell!
The more I tried, the less it seemed to work. Was I trying to hard? Why can THEY do it and I don’t? Oh, it drove me crazy.
It took some time, but then I discovered it too, the place of inner peace, the fountain of calmness and it was worth the while.
I honestly believe that you haven’t found yourself if you can’t be alone and if you can’t enjoy the silence.
“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing
and right-doing, there is a field.
I’ll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass
the world is too full to talk about.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi
Calmness is the mantra of meditation. In calmness lies the process of whole world. Meditation is a process and no one can be perfect. It is a continuous state where we live in a busy world yet unperturbed by it. Sharing such thoughts always encourages to look for deeper state of this calmness and enjoying the drama at the world stage.
Nice article.
It takes some training doesn’t it?
Thank you for stopping by.
Training is essential but the danger of getting noises from the world and deviating from the path is constant. I have found it difficult to remain calm in such moments. Reading helps but even at some instances there is so much of turmoil. I have also started meditation recently but feel that my ego or expectations from the world is too big for any vacuum to exist.
It takes a while to get used to it. Meditation doesn’t just happen, it’s a process – a journey.
Your writing is very entertaining and thought provoking!!
So interesting Bridget. I tried meditation, but I found it hard to sit quietly and not allow all my worries to bubble up to the surface within the quiet. Sometimes I do find it helpful though.
Too funny! You stirred up all the memories from my first meditation retreat. I felt like such a fraud.
I think it’s most useful in one’s life, to stop and try to communicate with the real self….
I brings things into perspective doesn’t it?
I’ve never mastered the whole meditation thing … although I really wish I could. It is said that we already know inside ourselves all the answers we need. The challenge is to find them. I haven’t found any yet, but I do enjoy the company 😉
I was the meditations failure at first. It took me a while, I wasn’t born to sit still, I am an active, little bugger. I expected it to be easier. “What can be so difficult about silence,” I thought and life taught me a lesson.
I meditate almost every day and now I needed it as much as I need my exercise.
The closest I get to meditation IS exercising.
That’s a very interesting statement. The feeling of totally exhaustion comes very close to the state of mediating. You are a smart cookie my friend.
🙂