Last updated on June 14, 2021
OPEN and HONEST, these two words go hand in hand. You can not be honest without opening up, and you can’t be open without being honest. It’s not easy, it takes some courage and you have to be prepared for destructive criticism.
I am always honest. I try to be but it has its painful moments. It’s so hard to tell someone I don’t like what you do, or to fire somebody you actually care for.
I am not the most diplomatic person either. I am exactly the way I am on my blog. Outspoken, somewhat intelligent, witty at times, with a high tendency to sarcasm. I don’t like to hurt people’s feelings, but sometimes I have to and it’s hard.
I am having a truth week this week, and it made me think about the scene in one of my favorite movies.
I close my eyes, and this image floats beside me.
A sweaty toothed mad man with a stare that pounds my brain.
His hands reach out and choke me, and all the time he’s mumbling.
“Truth, truth.”
Like a blanket that always leaves your feet cold.
You push it, stretch it, but it’ll never be enough.
You kick at it, beat it, it’ll never cover any of us.
From the moment we enter crying,
to the moment we leave dying,
it’ll just cover your face,
as you wail and cry and scream.”
(Dead Poets Society)
Yesterday I fired my helper. I didn’t fire him -not with these words- but I told him that I don’t want to work him anymore. Telling him the reasons behind my decision, that was the tough part because I really liked his work. I hope he will learn from his mistakes, I hope he will grow as a human being.
I finally told a blogger that I decided to unfollow her blog. Why pretend that I LIKE something, if I really don’t. I had felt disconnected from her blog for so long. It’s the second time I had done this in the blogging world, both times made me feel uncomfortable at first, but then I felt relieved.
Honesty, it’s like ripping off a band-aid, it stings at first, but then you feel great.
“Just don’t follow them anymore!” Yes, that would be the easy way out, and I assume this too is common law these days. But why? OPEN and HONEST go hand in hand. How can people grow and learn, if we don’t share with them the motives behind our decisions? The blogger and I had been communicating through comments back and forth for months, just leaving without a word? It just didn’t sound right.
The truth is hard to take.
“The truth is heavy,
that’s why so few choose to carry it.”
OPEN and HONEST, that’s what I chose in my life. We can still be kind and caring, we can still be generous and loving while telling the truth. It is possible!
First posted June 16, 2016 -Summer Reblog
My mother used to say “Lies walk the streets” which meant they are always revealed in some way, shape or form sooner or later. Not only that, it’s sometimes hard to remember which lie you told to whom. Even with these truisms in mind, Mom would often proceed to lie anyway and she has always given me grief for telling the unvarnished truth in a not very diplomatic way.
I’m putting these thoughts about Mom in a past/subjective or something like that tense because she is in hospice and as a result of her physical injuries her Alzheimer’s has been exacerbated to the point that she is out of touch with reality more often than she is in it. My best friend, whose father went through a similar though more prolonged and shallow Alzheimer’s related mental decline, advised me to compassionately lie to Mom. That has been the hardest part of my adjustment to her current state and for that reason I have not been to see her very often. Thank goodness she has many longtime friends who have already been through similar experiences and I’m sure provide her with great comfort.
Telling the truth is not always welcomed. I have been given some grief myself over the years. I have become more diplomatic, or perhaps I can now realize when ‘all is lost’ and the truth won’t set one free -no matter what. 🙂
As for your Mom, she has a terrible road ahead of her. One day she will forget how to breath until then, be at your side, that’s all you can do and please forgive her for everything -now.
I think I have done that and continue to work on it every time I go to see her. I guess I’m realizing we will never get to have a conversation again so it’s up to me to remember more her good points than the others.
I’m glad I didn’t miss this post, Bridget, because once again, you really do provide a challenge for me to consider. I don’t think I’ve ever been as open in my honesty as you describe. I have a hard time picturing myself placed in the dialogues as you describe them. My current capacity for confrontation is pretty low. I probably prolong a lot of uncomfortable situations by not being bolder in speaking up in a truthful manner. Something to think about!