100 Days of Meditation

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An old Zen proverb says, ‘Meditate for 20 minutes a day, unless you don’t have time for it, then meditate for an hour.‘ 

Those who have not yet felt the power of meditation on their own bodies may consider this to be great nonsense. I know, because that was how I felt but now, after 100 days of meditating consistently every day and usually for twenty minutes at a time, the above saying perfectly describes my new relationship with mindfulness exercise.

Meditation has become one of the most important parts of my everyday life, now I love it, but where does my enthusiasm come from? To explain this, I’ll now guide you through the 100 days of my experiment  -and a little beyond.

Self-experiment meditation -All good things come in threes

To be honest, I saw meditation as just a relaxation exercise. I didn’t believe in real enlightenment, but in balance, and the thought of sitting still for minutes every day seemed a bit like a waste of time to me, nevertheless, I tried it every now and then. My life was hectic and I had worries, but to my surprise every time I tried to meditate I felt the relaxation, a calmness that was needed, a stillness inside me, that I enjoyed but it was short-lived.

My first attempt was a guided meditation on the internet but the videos never explained what meditation really brings and so my motivation was quickly gone. A few weeks later, I tried meditation again, this time it was an app and it managed to keep me engaged for at least two weeks but this was more due to their chic presentation, than to actual meditation successes.

By the end of 2022, I tried it for the third time. This time I came across the topic through a podcast that reaches an audience of millions with videos and live-streams about mental health. It somehow struck a chord with me. They talked about the positive effects of meditation on mental health, which is why I had to try it again.

I felt anxious and worried. The old mind game never stopped repeating itself in my head.

The podcast explained that many people would not be able to access meditation because they simply had misconceptions about what it meant. Hello! That was me. It talked about when meditating, one should not think about the result, or about the fact that one needs enlightenment to be successful.

But I didn’t want enlightenment, I wanted inner peace. I just knew I wasn’t a candidate for mediation, yet, I continued.

The podcast explained that meditating is about the process itself, about just going through with it, regardless of how restless you are about it and how untalented you feel. (So me!) It’s a little bit like running alone in the park. It doesn’t matter how fast you are, or if you look athletic, just do it.

The path is the goal and the mere fact that one dedicates oneself to meditation is already a success. The thought motivated me but it also rang a bell. Where had I heard it before? Doesn’t it sound a lot like the journey to happiness?

Phase 1: Focus (Day 1-14)

I started with five minutes and gradually increased to twenty minutes. On weekdays I meditated in the evening before going to bed, on weekends usually in the morning, so I had room for other activities in the evening. The podcast helped. I no longer blamed myself when I couldn’t maintain my concentration.

I noticed that the ritual itself actually relaxed me. An effect that intensified with increasing duration.

Slowly but surely, my fears and worries faded. The chaos in my head cleared. Day after day I trained to focus my mind and so my state outside of meditation also changed. I learned how powerful this ability can be.

If I had fears about the future, I simply focused on the present. When I was procrastinating again, I focused my thoughts on the task at hand until I couldn’t ignore it anymore and therefore preferred to do it right away. Even when I was out and about and needed to go to the bathroom, my newfound willpower helped me just think of something else, so nature’s call became a little quieter.

I do wonder, does it mean I use the bathroom more often when I am anxious?

Phase 2: Euphoria (Day 15-28)

After the first two weeks, I was already absolutely thrilled, and in the two weeks that followed, my euphoria even increased. I incorporated a breathing technique into my meditation, one in which you breathe alternately through the individual nostrils without (!) holding them shut. Sounds impossible, and maybe it is but the trick is to direct your attention in such a way that it at least feels as if the air is only flowing through one nostril at a time.

It amused me at first but kept me busy. In the moments when it worked, I felt completely free and happy. It was like a rush whose positive energy spilled over into my everyday life.

Within four weeks, I felt like a new, better person. Finally, I was doing the things I set out to do instead of putting them off over and over again. I no longer got entangled in toxic thoughts but lived in the here and now. Never before had I experienced such a change in myself within such a short time –at least not consciously.

Phase 3: Routine (Day 29-50)

After the first intensive four weeks, it was already clear that meditation was the best thing that had happened to me in a long time. I was also relaxed about the fact that the next three weeks or so were rather unspectacular. The positive effects were retained and even if there was no further rush of happiness, I was always in a good mood. During this phase, I also tried some new meditation exercises. Some of them left me cold, while others were more interesting.

Phase 4: Self-knowledge (Day 51-60)

Between days 50 and 60 of my self-experiment, I tried a completely different kind of meditation. While I had previously limited myself to breathing and concentration exercises, I now devoted myself to a procedure that serves self-knowledge. A kind of intuitive self-questioning in which you detach yourself from everything that defines you in everyday life. Job, origin, relationship status, assets, and even one’s own body do not play a role. Who am I really? What are the essential qualities that are inseparably linked to me? Is there anything left of me to be me?

In the past, I used to ponder endlessly and question everything I thought I knew, now all of a sudden the answers to these profound questions came incredibly easy to me. Suddenly, everything seemed so clear. 

Phase 5: Boredom (Day 61-77)

In phase 5, the self-experiment already took a very long time. The initial euphoria had now evaporated but discipline (stubbornness?) and habit ensured that I continued to meditate daily. Sadly there was no further development, instead, I started to get bored for the first time.

Meditation was boring. I knew it all along.

Phase 6: Altered perception (Day 78-80)

The boredom was only broken by a new exercise in the meantime. Trataka, another form of meditation, is about staring at an object, such as a candle flame, without blinking. When I performed this exercise in a dimly lit room, another wow effect occurred. With an increased concentration on the flame, the space around it became jet black. The light didn’t change, but my perception did.

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I was completely stunned. I wouldn’t have thought my eyes were capable of such a perception. Did I really have to be almost 60 years old to experience this effect for the first time? Once again, meditation surprised me.

Phase 7: Fatigue (Day 81-100)

But for the last 20 days, I had to fight again. Now it wasn’t just boredom that diminished my urge to meditate, but mental exhaustion. More and more often it was difficult for me to sit upright and still while meditating. I hardly could stay focused and my attention could hardly be controlled and I had no choice but to test my discipline, which I had trained for 80 days, to finish the attempt.

After several repetitions of various exercises, my body and mind simply didn’t feel like meditating anymore. Therefore, when I completed my 100th session, I decided to stop for the time being.

Maybe the positive effects on my mind would continue without a daily refresher, I thought but unfortunately, it didn’t happen.

Without Meditation, old habits came back

About 10 to 14 days after the last meditation of my self-experiment, my focus weakened again. I was again increasingly guided by worries and devoted myself to unhealthy snacks and habits. I spent too much time online, watching insignificant YouTube videos and depressing news, instead of concentrating on the things that were really important to me. I was in a much worse mood and my sleep problems returned.

Of course, there can be other reasons for all this but when I meditated again at last, I felt within only 20 minutes that peace returned, which accompanied me in the 100 days of self-experimentation. I noticed again the incredibly calming and at the same time invigorating effect that meditation has on me. From then on, it was clear to me that I would probably have to continue to meditate at least almost daily if I wanted to be the best version of myself.

Conclusion on the self-experiment: Meditation is my mental workout

There are certainly many ways to practice meditation, and everyone will have a different opinion of what it means. For me, meditation is first and foremost a kind of training of mental strength. Whether I meditate or not determines how much I let myself be influenced by negative feelings and distractions in everyday life. Regular meditation has strengthened my focus, helped me consistently be the person I want to be, and implement what I set out to do.

However, as with physical fitness, I quickly fell back to my old level when I stopped training for a long time. So it’s time to stay tuned!

My self-experiment on meditation has already given me a lot. The better ability to concentrate is only one aspect. I haven’t even tried many exercises with a different focus or have only touched on them. I feel like I’ve only seen the tip of the iceberg, and I’m excited to see what the next 100 meditations have in store for me.

Next on my list is Tai Chi -again- but this time with a different mindset. Mediation in motion, it sounds like this could be right up my alley.