How To Become a Boring Blogger?

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I’m trying, I’m trying. I try to read the blog post, but it doesn’t captivate me and that’s when I tune out and click it away or don’t read it all.

Why do some blogs manage to grab our attention while others put us asleep?

I thought about it, looked at my own often boring posts and I think now I can tell you the characteristics of a dull blog. How do we write an exciting blog post? Isn’t that the normal blogging advice we get? The direction on how to be a successful blogger?

Well, today on my blog it’s the other way around. I’m not going to tell you what to do but instead will tell you what not to do.

Write about things that are self-evident

“Practice makes perfect, all beginnings are difficult and if you want to be beautiful, you have to suffer.”

Sorry, but everyone already knows that. Therefore, save yourself such self-evident facts and clichés and rather write about how great masters practiced.

Like: At the age of five, Mozart already had more piano lessons than 90 percent of adults. That is why his success was not only in his talent but in hard practice. It is usually said that you have to have practiced something for 10,000 hours to become a grandmaster.

10,000 hours = approx. 6 hours a day x 6 days a week x 6 years for <> years

Use hackneyed phrases and well-worn proverbs

“The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. The early bird catches the worm. Peace, joy, pancakes.”

Bla bla bla –yawn.

As soon as I see such proverbs in texts, I switch off. My brain shuts down. These proverbs and phrases have an important function. They signal: “Attention brain, nothing new is coming now. You’ve heard it all.”

“But these proverbs get to the heart of the matter so beautifully.” I know. That’s why they prevailed but as bloggers, we can’t afford that luxury.

The solution: Consciously twist the proverb and pull the reader out of sleep. Use proverbs not as a sleeping pill, but as a slap in the face.

“The early bird has worms –and today stays at home. My homage to getting up late.”

BAMM how is that for being different?

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Write without voice and without emotion

Experts’ opinions are objective but people don’t want expert opinions, they want information with a subjective touch -your voice, your opinion.

Blogging was invented to share personal impressions and experiences with the world. Unfortunately, these experiences are increasingly being written down like operating instructions for a microwave, dry, objective, and without emotions.

I can only speak for myself, if I don’t feel the passion in your text and don’t feel for you, then you’re not running a blog, but a private Wikipedia.

The solution: Write consciously with a personal touch. Make bold theses that you can defend and sometimes provoke the reader (like I did with this post) and most importantly, write about things that move, excite, or delight you personally. You will automatically write with more emotions.

Example: (Boring) I got off the subway and was in the middle of the New York urban jungle. (Interesting) I got off the subway and a stench hit my nose. People bumped into me and didn’t even look up. I began to hate this city…”

Try to sound like your writing hero

Don’t try to sound like Stephen King or Shakespeare, it will sound absolutely unprofessional.

You should have your own voice and not copy that of others. I suppose in the beginning, it’s OK to copy. Some things like successful headlines should even be copied but later on, you should definitely develop your own voice. Your voice is the only reason someone reads you.

Check your texts and ask yourself: Does this sound like me? Is that me? Is this real?

P.S. Forget the phrase “in my opinion”. It’s your blog, of course, it’s your opinion! (Note to myself practice what you preach).

Don’t get down to business

“Before I get to the really important part, I would like to tell you…”

Ouch.

Such a sentence chases readers away like a scarecrow. If you’re lucky, they’ll just scroll down quickly and don’t click away. This sentence announces: “Attention, nothing important is coming now. I just wanted to beat around the bush a bit to get to my 1,000 words in the blog post.”

Solution: Start with a bang –end with a boom. Make the text quickly readable, full of information, and free of meaningless phrases. (Note to myself listen to yourself).

Be mega-original

Some headlines and sentences I have to read three times because there are seven puns with three twists hidden in them. “Am I stupid now, or why don’t I understand the sentence?” This reaction should never be evoked in the reader. I can only speak for myself but I hate to feel stupid.

A headline has two seconds to grab the reader. It is not intended to confuse but to make people want to read more.

Use a lot of technical terms and be arrogant

There are two types of technical terms, one you need to explain, the other you need to show off.

Forget about the second variety.

Bloggers and writers are loved for one thing, they simplify. Famous authors simplify the world and explain complex issues in understandable words. Martin Luther translated the Bible into German –not into technical jargon.

There are a few technical terms that you can’t avoid. Use them, but also explain them quickly and understandably.

Solution: Be an explainer, not a show-off.

I am glad you have a great vocabulary but don’t deliberately confuse people by using complex sentences.

“This ‘blogger’ is worse than a lawyer in convoluting his words to suit his peculiar point of view.”

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9) Be invulnerable

Superman is boring. He can lift islands out of the sea and circle the world to turn back time.

He is invincible but with a little kryptonite, you can defeat it. But overall, I always know Superman wins in the end.

Guess what. Superman is boring.

What does this have to do with blogging? Bloggers who are invulnerable are boring. If you don’t reveal anything about yourself and don’t admit your weaknesses, then you will appear to your readers like a “robot” or an unattainable “guru.” Both are uninteresting.

Be vulnerable. Be human. Admit mistakes, reveal secrets, and open up to your readers. This makes you vulnerable, but also interesting.

Please, please everyone, and never be controversial

“Oh, no. A negative comment.”

Do you know the feeling? That tingling in your stomach and that queasy feeling when someone criticizes your text or claims that you have no clue.

Many are afraid of this feeling and they write cautiously. They are afraid to commit themselves and make a clear statement.

Write controversially. Tackle topics that are “dangerous” and “hot.” If you try to please everyone, you won’t end up being read by anyone.

Write for Google

An SEO text is as exciting as ironing underpants.

You read the same keywords (key terms that Google should use to find you) in every line. The sentences are banal and meaningless. Writing for Google is the best way to scare away your real readers.

Write for people. Write for your one true fan. And when the text is finished, you optimize the text and see where you can MEANINGFULLY incorporate a few more keywords.

Don’t tell stories!

People love people and their stories.

Offer only information, and you are as excited as the instruction manual of my microwave.

Without stories and without humanity in our posts we won’t establish a ‘relationship’ with our readers.

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Write only about yourself

We all know bloggers who publish their private lives on Youtube or lifestylers who document their lives on the Internet. They have thousands of readers.

So we imitate them and write about our vacation, about our nose and show off our new shoes.

*clears throat*

*Whisper*: Boring!

Why?

If your life isn’t mega-useful or mega-funny for your reader, then leave it out. Be vulnerable, but don’t bombard your readers with your personal life. Even if I don’t want it to be true, the reader is not here because of me, but because of himself.

If you still want to show your life on the web, always answer these two questions:

• Where is the benefit for my reader?
• How can I convey this benefit in a funny way?

You write too short

Your posts consist of 300 and 500 words. Sorry, but you can’t write a legendary article with that it is not enough to touch on a topic. You have to cover it completely.

I quote Corbett Barr: “Write epic shit!”

A blog post that is shared, loved, and displayed well on Google has about 2,000 words (according to studies).

You write too long

Huh?

What now?

By too long I mean your sentences are too long. Your body text is too long.

Solution: Brevity.

Only write when you have the time and inclination

A good way to lose your readers post irregularly and only when you feel like it.

Suddenly, after 2 months, readers receive a newsletter from you and can’t even remember who you are.

Write every day, write once a week. Write three times a week. Publish regularly. Studies have also proven this!

Deviate from your topic

Always add your opinion. Write about everything that moves the world.

Result: You scare away all readers.

Why? Because readers follow you for a reason. They like your topic, niche, or voice.

If you’re a tech blogger and suddenly give tips for the perfect dinner, or if you’re a mum blogger and suddenly write about Putin’s policies, it doesn’t go down well.

Readers want to know where they stand with you.

Stick to your topic. (Note to myself “Find out what your blog stands for)

Blogging is fun and should be fun. It should never feel like a chore if you don’t blog to make a living.

Be creative! Be you!

Spice it up a bit!

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