Sharing and opening up in the comments section happens often by accident. I sometimes wonder if I am the only one who starts writing a remark and then gets carried away?
I enjoy reading, and I thrive with every honest comment that is left on one of my posts. Comments and interactions with other writers are the ultimate reward for any blogger.
Sometimes I get carried away when I start to write the first one or two sentences, somehow a floodgate opens up and my fingers and my mind become one. The written word, not spoken out loud, is so powerful and the unfiltered truth. Nothing polished, not edited, not ‘defused’.
This week it happened again when I read a post on Rosaliene’s blog Three Worlds One Vision. Rosaliene and I have so much (perhaps too much) in common, even though we are so different. We both live in the US but have been born and raised in another country. We speak multiple languages, and we have endured hardship and abuse in many different ways -she more than me.
We have the same wish, like so many of us. We want to leave this world better than we found it. Rosaliene and I think alike and how could we not? Deep down I think that people who endure so much, and whose character and resilience get tested over and over, become ultimately the most open-minded, freedom-seeking, tolerant individuals*. How could one not be non-discriminatory when one suffered under -and at- the hands of close-mindedness and blindness of others?
Rosalien writes about THE WRITER’s LIFE WRITING ABOUT UNCOMFORABLE SUBJECTS.
Abuse! She is spot on, talking or writing about it makes others uncomfortable.
When I read about Rosaliene’s past my heart ached and I felt pain inside of me. I wanted to let her know how much I appreciated her openness and applaud her strengths but somehow the comment wrote itself and it came out completely different than I had intended.
All of a sudden I wrote about my own past which I hadn’t planned.
The bad parts of our lives are like a dark puddle in our memory. The ugliness stays hidden until something irritates the surface, then it all comes out with a vengeance.
I am an abused child and I never shared the details. Over the years I have made peace with my past and the whole story will one day go up in flames with me. I never talked about it with anybody. Not with my husband or my best friend in school, not with my grandmother, not with teachers or friends I made later on in life.
Why didn’t I talk? I was very young when the abuse happened, and my life changed dramatically for the better at the age of seven. The love I felt then overpowered the bad experiences I had so early in my life.
I never forgot but pushed the bad memories under a self-made invisible blanket in my brain and didn’t touch the subject until I was old enough to ask some questions -about twenty-five years later.
Rosaliene writes very honestly about parts of her life that have caused her pain, and I am so proud of her for doing so. Bad things are real, just like our daily news and while it might be more entertaining to read something positive, the truth is needed -perhaps today more than ever.
If only one woman reads about it at the right time! If only one child is brave enough to share what bad things are going on at home, then the suffering was not for nothing.
The floodgate opened and a wave of emotions rolled over me -with just one comment. It took me by surprise but now, after writing this I am glad it happened.
Rosaliene, I apologize for the novel I left on your blog. It came over me and perhaps it needed to happen.
I am so sorry this all happened to you too and I am mighty proud of you.
*Did you notice how I tried to avoid the word LIBERAL because these days it is a bad word, a curse word, an excuse to offend.
I can really relate to this blog 🙂 some of my best internet friends have been found through the comments section; either on my own writing or on someone else’s. One thing I recently struggled with was negative comments that trigger stress in my real world! Learning to detach from those is something I am working on but it’s also a great reflection of where my own insecurities and even inflamed ego bits lay hidden – so I really cannot complain about them! interaction is information to add to my collection, basically how I like to try to think about it. <3 thank you for reminding me how much goodness truly comes through comments section
Welcome to my blog!
Negative comments, if not posted to be mean but as a true and honest opinion, can help us grow.
All our posts are biased opinions and sometimes there is a different biased opinion out there, that finds us and we collide 🙂
But most is positive and with that we stand tall -and strong 🙂
thank you for the warm welcome and the very wise words! 🙂 I definitely agree with you about negative yet constructive critiques. Silver linings 😉 I was recently dealing with the more rude type of commenting, sort of ‘trolling’, you know? It really tested my patience and empathy LOL but there’s a lot to learn from those experiences too, I guess! It’s super helpful to remind myself that there are tons of good people out there who aren’t just on the internet to cast stones/stir the pot ! <3 highly appreciate your reply and blog.
I applaud you for opening up, at what seems like just the right time in an environment where you felt connected and comfortable. That is admirable, powerful, and potentially helpful for others. It doesn’t get more real and beautiful than that! 🌻I will check out Rosaliene’s site. 🙏🏻
I have always been open about it, but never wrote about it in detail.
I hope you liked Rosaliene’s site. She is an interesting woman.
In many ways it is easier to open our hearts to a stranger than to someone we know and love dearly. Most of us develop quite close relationships with one or two of our blogging friends, even though we have never met, and are unlikely to do so. I think I am not alone in tending to forget that, when commenting, I am not only talking to the instigator of the post but also to anyone who happens to see the comments stream. Often, there will be a to-ing and fro-ing of comments where both carry on as if it is an exchange of texts. Generally we all respect each others views, even though we may not entirely agree. What a wonderful gift we have in WordPress, and what a wonderful, friendly, and supportive bunch we generally are!
I have never opened up about it. I suppose that was my defense when I was a kid, or perhaps it was a gift. I pushed it into the back of my mind. Commenting and blogging allows to care about other people’s life but also think about our own -and share as needed (and wanted). Yes, besides me, most at WordPress are very friendly 🙂
Rosaliene’s post is powerful and so is yours here. I’m a firm believer that when we are ready, the truth will surface to be dealt with on whatever level we are ready for. Thank you both for your courage.
I hope you are right. I want you to be right 🙂
I think the flood gates are so much more honest when they open up like that instead of taking time to write a shorter edited piece in the comments. Off the cuff words flow more from the heart I think. Don’t ever be afraid to let your heart show!
I think we bloggers have formed a support system of sorts, and although we can decide to share quite honestly about aspects of our lives, we also have the benefit of anonymity where that fits the need as well. Rosaliene and you have a very special bond of mutual understanding and it would seem just by her sharing you felt some of your personal load shift a bit? That’s a benefit of opening up. One person’s honesty often helps others feel better able to relate. It’s a gift to your readers that you take the time to thoroughly engage, Bridget! ♥️
You are correct. Rosaliene’s stories have always touched me. We do have some similarities in our past. How could I not care and feel for her?
You are always very kind to me. Thank you, Debra.
Bridget, you’ve touched me so deeply with this post that I can’t stop the tears. Know that you have nothing to apologize for. What more can one ask for when our story opens the heart of another woman whose life has also been scarred by abuse? I know well how unsettling it can be when the ugliness, once hidden, “comes out with a vengeance.”
>I’ve been questioning myself about sharing these stories of my life and that of other women with whom I’ve lived and worked with along my journey. Your response is a powerful affirmation for me to keep moving forward no matter how uncomfortable it will be to write and share these stories.
Guess what, you fell in my spam folder, isn’t that something. “WordPress, what are you thinking?”
I am glad you shared this part of your past, I know it wasn’t easy. When you and I were younger, it was a tab00. What happened at home behind closed doors stayed hidden.
While much has changed, so much is still the same. Women are being abused every day. Little boys and little girls are afraid of going home. Will it ever stop? Perhaps not, but there more light we shine on it, the harder it will be to stay hidden.
The abuse won’t stop which makes it more important to expose it.
Novel type comments are what makes the comments section powerful! It’s easy to get carried away, but it’s also great. Even though your blog name is with the comments, it feels more anonymous in another blog’s comments section, and no matter how hard people try to convince me that it should not matter, I think anonimity matters, at least subconsciously.
Recognizing other’s pain can also establish a real bond. Empathy is a wonderful thing, eh?
I once had someone write page-long and quite weird comments on my blog, several posts in a row. I found out later that they had applied to a job I advertised in my team. That felt awkward, because they were not at all suited for the position… I still think that most of the long comments are awesome 😎.
Let me think hmmm I am not sure if I agree or not. I like ‘novel type’ comments but only from people I know. Does that make sense? Sometimes new readers leave ‘novels’ and often it becomes all about them and when at the end it has nothing to do with my blog post.
Empathy is a wonderful think. What would we be without?
I enjoy reading comments -long and short- when people have something to say. Nothing is more offensive than the daily ‘atta girl’ that’s meaning less.
We’re on the same page there! You need to build that connection a little before you can start leaving 1000-worders. Haha.
I’m so pleased Rosaliene reached you in that way, Bridget
She reached us all, didn’t she?
She did, indeed
When something poignant happens on a blog which resonates deeply with me, I sometimes begin to type and type and type, then realize I’ve been typing too much, and abort the whole thing. Except, I copy my lengthy comment into notepad or something to access it later and perhaps shorten it before I revisit the original blog post to leave a more appropriate comment (lengthwise), and I sometimes do that but more often than not I don’t.
Simultaneously, I end up inspired to write my own post on that topic and that allows me to link to a previous post written by somebody else, which is also a way of engaging with the writing/blogging tribe.
But I understand what you’re saying.
And I’m sure an apology wasn’t necessary. 😀
I’ll go check out your friend’s post and blog. Thank you for sharing it.
I had to laugh, because I do the same. I start writing a comment and then somehow it turns into a blog post and I COPY and PASTE it and of course shorten and rewrite my comment. Funny how this works.
So many of us keep unpleasant things hidden – it seems easier and less complicate to do so. The key to that Pandora’s Box can be most unexpected, as you say.
Healing comes in many forms. I don’t think there is a one-fits-all solution. While it’s helpful for many to talk about it, others find it easier to forgive and forget -even though it won’t be forgotten.