And Then Christmas Finds Me

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As so often, the loving Christmas decorations all around me had left me completely cold. I was rushing by.

Yes, my neighbor’s tree in the front yard was really magnificent, lights were shining on every window sill, and bearded gnomes or elves with pointed caps and ears were all around me. Nevertheless, I overlooked all the lights, all the elves, and all the gnomes because work was pressing, and deadlines have little celebratory quality.

The war is still going on, it will be the second cold winter for the people in Ukraine and the pictures of Gaza didn’t help my mood either. How could I possibly have the mindset for Christmas when 20,000 people, many of them children, lost their lives because they were considered collateral damage? How could I forget the attack on the Jewish people that has now escalated? No, this year Christmas would pass us by, we would celebrate a little, but the mood, the twinkle in the eye, the spirit only Christmas can waken in me, I didn’t expect it at all.

On top of it, I was busy like every year, just a bit more than usual. From August to December 22nd, that’s the busiest time of the year for me, and at the beginning of December, just like every year, I felt I was running out of time. I was fighting a cold for weeks on top of it, so December passed by me grey for a long time -until it unexpectedly grabbed me. And that was because of a little tree, an old German song, and an American who sang it.

“Life finds its way,” says Jeff Goldblum in Jurassic Park, and somehow it’s the same with Christmas! It doesn’t have to be perfectly decorated, it doesn’t have to be all for the best, and you don’t have to be in a particularly worshipful mood but somehow it catches you.

I had recently worked on some particularly challenging pieces and took a deep breath when it got dark outside. Tired, I got up, walked a few steps, and looked lost in thoughts through the sliding glass door into the yard. On the other side of our fence, I could see part of our neighbor’s yard. There was a blinking small Christmas tree in the corner, which I had never noticed before. There was nothing special about it, I had seen far nicer ones but it was just one of those inexplicable moments.

Spotify wanted to do something good for me and played “O Tannenbaum/Oh Christmas Tree”, sung by Nat King Cole. I’ve known the song since early childhood and it never has touched me much all that time. The pronunciation of the German text by the American singer was something to smile about and normally the whispering violins would have been much too cheesy for me –and yet a switch flipped in me. The melting in Nat’s voice, the resonant nostalgia, and the small, sparkling tree that stood around lonely – Bingo, Christmas!

I looked at our yard, watched the dogs, turned around and looked at the old couch on my work surface. It was still a challenging piece but now looked completely different to me. Of course, I would get it done and it would look magnificent.

I went to my desk and I finally took time to read the Christmas greetings in my inbox. The sliding glass door was cracked open a bit and the cold was pouring in. Someone in the neighborhood had the fireplace on. I was now ready for friends and neighbors, students and customers, crazy children, lots of presents, overly sumptuous food, and everything that Christmas brings. Whether it’s snowing or not, whether the times are carefree or not, whether the next year is full of work, or if I will step on the scales screeching after the holidays -it doesn’t matter! Christmas was coming and I was looking forward to it!

We had decided to leave the big tree in the attic, instead, we decorated just the table in front of our living room window. The brass reindeer sleigh, that someone had sent to the resale shop because one of the reindeer had come up missing, somehow it ended up in my husband’s hands, who of course could not resist. Now it’s ours, and the cheap battery-operated LED ornaments, give it the special touch.

My husband, the man who never knew what to get me, the man who could be found running around in the mall, eyes wide open, like a deer in the headlights every 23rd of December, he surprised me this year as well. He had started Christmas shopping early and he seemed to enjoy it.

“I need more boxes,” he announced joyfully. 2008, a year before we lost everything, was the last time we celebrated Christmas with lots of presents for each one of us. Ever since it was either a pair of fuzzy socks, houseshoes, or something else practical. We have become masters in giving and helping others and have stopped receiving. It’s an age thing I thought. What could you possibly wish for that you don’t buy yourself throughout the year. Yet, look at our chair? It’s full of presents and I don’t know why. This is not us, yet it’s our living room, our chair, our window.

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What’s in all the packages I wonder. The white ones are for me. Paint brushes and canvas I wish, perhaps an expensive tea or decaf, maybe a new scarf or a book? “What have you done with my husband,” I asked my husband who answered with the little boy smile I fell in love with so many years ago.

“Times are different, things can change in the blink of an eye.” We both know it, we have both lived it, we both fear it. The new year scares us. Perhaps a good reason as any to pamper the one you love a bit more than usual?

Today is the 23rd of December. I got everything done, my customers are happy, and I am still sniffling a bit. Both of my workrooms are full of projects for the coming year already.

Of course, now I will be taking a little break, there is something to celebrate! We had a good year.

I wish you all a Merry Christmas!

Wherever you may be reading these lines, and no matter if you are celebrating or not, have a good time, hug a few dear people who deserve it, and stay healthy!

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