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Sometime last year, it must have been summer, my husband and I got into quite a predicament. We were in the middle of decluttering our home when we both started to feel guilty when we saw the amount of things we had accumulated.
We went from ‘Losing it all’ to having too much in ten years. In the book I am trying to finish, I use the American phrase “Not a pot to piss in” when I described our situation right after we lost almost everything, and it couldn’t have been closer to the truth. Everything we had left back then, fit in a truck, it included three big dogs and their beds. However, we had a couple of old pots.
Fourteen years later, we now live in a house with two big dogs, three bedrooms, and two living rooms – one of them being used as my sewing room inside the home. We have a dining area, a huge laundry room, and a detached garage, which is my workroom. We have a large attic room and a hidden room in the master bedroom. Two people and so much space!
All of these rooms are full of stuff. When I read Maria Kondo’s book “The life-changing magic of tidying up” which I had ordered after I had spent an hour trying to locate something that didn’t really have a place where it belonged. “Everything in your house should have a home!” Goodness, this sentence drove me nuts, so many things in our home were homeless, just like we once almost were. If you have too much (how of all people could we have too much?) you start stuffing things in drawers, closets, dressers, shelves, and everywhere else. The drawers we name accordingly ‘junk drawers’ which should give us an idea that we indeed have junk.
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And it’s not just the inside. Old pots in the yard, a bit banged up, but still good enough to be used. Old windchimes a bit rusty, but since beauty is in the eyes of the beholder we declared them to be BEAUTIFUL. There is a fine line between being cluttered and unorganized or organized chaos. We were cluttered.
When I have a big project coming up I clean the house thoroughly and my workroom is spotless. When I have a clean environment, I have a clear mind. I create chaos while working (yes, believe me, I do) but I can’t start working when it’s messy around me. (Am I supposed to always make sense?)
And so we decluttered and down-sized for months. The result was uplifting, and freeing. Everything in our home has a HOME, a place where it belongs. We don’t have things double anymore, the broken sentimental cups and plates we hang on to, finally found their way into the garbage, to never be used again.
Finding the middle ground between the guilt to let go (remember only fourteen years ago we lived in an empty house) and the need to hang on to some things, wasn’t easy.
Last summer, someone had asked us what we wished for, and we both couldn’t answer. We didn’t wish for anything. In the end, I asked for another cookbook, because let’s face it, even Maria Kondo must know you can’t have too many cookbooks -ever.
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Everything I wish for (not need) at this point in my life, can’t be bought. Time with friends, time together. Cooking evenings, watching movies, and discovering new places. Board games on cold winter days, a day just for myself, a hot soup on the stove, and a cup of tea steaming next to you. A great movie, listening to music I love, heartfelt moments, a good book. Too much to list.
But even though I’ve known for quite a while that what really makes me happy is time, I spend a surprising amount of money on THINGS. At some point, a slight feeling of nausea grabs me again at the sight of the many things around me and the chaos that arises from them, and I sort it out. Pretty pointless, this cycle.
Therefore, to keep me in check and hold myself (and us) accountable, I agreed when a friend asked me if I would join her on a CONSUMER BREAK for the whole month of August.
The rules were pretty simple:
- Don’t buy anything (new) for 30 days, excluded are: Food, drugstore/household items (only if the previous product is used up)
- If something important breaks, repair it first, otherwise replace it (if possible used)
- Borrowing, and exchanging are not only allowed but encouraged!
I wanted to do without everything else – especially spontaneous impulse purchases. These impulse purchases seem often like an attempt to reward myself spontaneously or to shorten the search for meaning, which I pursue quite intensively. But this quick fix is only unsatisfactory (and can be really expensive in the long run).
And today, after only twenty days of CONSUMER BREAK, I am already struggling. I’ve caught myself a few times trying to buy something automatically.
A short stop at the gas station for another decaf-diet coke? Looking at the daily deal on Amazon -and almost ordering it – the small baseball at the grocery store, because our Vader doesn’t have enough balls lying around?
I think far too little about such things!
In addition to the rather high financial costs, there is another huge disadvantage. I don’t actually enjoy things enough. I shop mindlessly – of course, it’s nice or comfortable or enjoyable – but most of the time I’m not really present. Not all there, so to speak. 🙂
It’s true, I really don’t think much about what I’m buying. Of course, you only notice such things when you deliberately don’t do them and then you are deeply frightened. All the little things – whether it’s an iced tea in a café or the extra ingredient for dinner. Individually, they don’t matter, but all together, they add up.
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I suddenly think about which of the things are really necessary. Damp toilet paper? White wine to refine a sauce? I don’t really need it. A drink when I meet people I otherwise meet far too rarely? If that makes me have great conversations, and I just grab a single tea, why not?
I am currently negotiating a lot with myself about what is necessary or not. To what extent this negotiation is in the spirit of the inventor, I don’t know – but I like the process.
In addition, – again – there is the realization that the best moments are not affordable anyway. The weekend at a workshop on an old farm. I have never experienced such deep and close conversations being held so quickly. After an hour and a half, I talked to some of them about topics that I don’t talk to most people even after years. Staring into the fire, warming yourself with tea, eating homemade (gluten-free) cookies.
It seems to me that the following rule should apply to me always:
If it doesn’t make me happy (and we don’t need it) I don’t buy it,
but if it makes me happy, it can definitely be in my life.
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Conclusion of the past three weeks:
At least now I know how paradoxical my behavior sometimes is! 🙂
Good for you. We are busy clearing out my in-laws place since my FIL passed away and his wife is now in a care home. They always complained they didn’t have any money and yet we found the most ridiculous things that they certainly didn’t need. This has made me rethink buying stuff.
It’s amazing what we think we need and what we buy without thinking. Scary!
I happened upon this post today and wondered how you would characterize a month of zero purchases. I thought maybe I could do this in September and I legit got anxious at the thought! Not buying things for a month does seem like an interesting experiment.
I would characterize it a month of zero spending :-). But food, household items, medications and hygiene things as well as other things that are necessary like feeding the parking meter, or a new break for the bike are of course excluded.
I have vowed to do a lot of downsizing this fall and winter… it is my goal to reclaim my basement and craft room. I will donate what is usable to Goodwill and Salvation Army in town. Maybe a few craft supplies to the local women’s shelter for something for them to do. I need space once again. I also like the idea of a spending ban… it would really help the bank account. Good for you for accomplishing so much!
I will check on you in spring lol.
A spending ban is interesting because it forces me to focus on the everyday spending and it’s terrifying to see how much I spend on things without thinkin.
Ha, ha! 😂
I started a spending spreadsheet recently and it is eye opening where the money goes – it has changed my impulse spending a lot.
Impulse spending the worst, but also the most interesting.
I can definitely relate. ❤️
Knowing that I am not the only one, makes me feel better.
Wonderful post that definitely grabbed my attention.
After a little over 30 years in our “new” house, my husband & I replaced all the upstairs carpet the end of June. That meant moving all the furniture from side-to-side on that floor so the carpet could be installed in 2 consecutive days. That alone almost killed us … LOL. It also meant getting stuff off the floor in closets & from under 3 beds.
What seemed like it was going to be a bit of work turned into a monumental task simply because I apparently NEVER give anything away. We found several pairs of shoes that were at least 30 to 40 years old, some important things I could no longer remember WHY they were important & a few articles of clothing I didn’t even remember. It turned into a 2 months decluttering project.
Long story less long – we donated so much to a local Humane Society Thrift Store my husband swears he saw them stick a CLOSED sign in the window the last time he took a load. We also donated household goods, the clothing & shoes to a church Thrift store & to GoodwilL It was what you said … freeing & liberating. The house hasn’t seemed this clean … or BIG … since building was completed & we moved in.
So far I haven’t missed a single pair of those 40-year-old shoes or those kitchen gadgets I had no idea what they were. We’ll do it again before we’ve been in the house another 30+ years.
Thanks for the laugh. The “closed” sign at the Humane Society Thrift store is too good.
Since you brought it up, you are spot on, the house seems bigger now and I like knowing everything has a home (for as long as I remember where I put it.)
Giving things away is a form of recycling and it’s liberating.
I don’t know if you read Marie’s book but she asked the reader to pick up every piece of clothing and other stuff and ask yourself if it brings you joy. Of course there are thing you need, I can’t say that my undergarments or my robe particularly bring me joy, but to my surprise, many things did spark joy and then I understood what she meant.
Why hang on to stuff that has no meaning to us and it not needed?
It was a very interesting experience.
Thanks for stopping by.
the only thing I cannot abide in Marie Kwondo is the the 30-book rule. I cannot give up these books because I get cravings for books I loved to read the 1st time, and want to read again. I realize I can go to the library, but they may not have the exact book I have in my personal library.
Same here. I have a nice book collection, classics and personal favorites, as well as books I translated and of course I have books written in German or by Austrians as well. The Germans classics, are right beside the American classics. 🙂
Marie Kondo’s book was a guide and it gave me some very helpful tips. But it’s a guide. We all have different preferences and likes. You touch my fabric collection and I rip your head off lol.
Thanks for motivating me to declutter. 🙂
I think it’s an important task at any age, but more so when we get older.
It’s fascinating what we hang on to. Marie Kondo’s book is a wonderful read. I always wondered why a book about organizing made it onto the bestseller list, then I understood. The Japanese way to look at ‘things’ is something I wish many of us would at least consider.
We have been actively clearing clutter for some time now, getting rid of excess clothes and household goods. We take most of this to our favourite charity shop (thrift store) and they keep us informed about how much they have gained from the sales. It’s amazing how much it has amounted to over time. Some we donate to people who have requested items on local social media sites, it’s always very satisfying to know we’ve helped someone less fortunate than we are, often at a time when they are in dire need. It is always a bone of contention that there is more than enough in this world for everyone to live a comfortable life and yet there remains a vast inequality in the distribution of wealth, property, and goods. One day, maybe, just maybe, this will change!
We gave a lot to the resale shop, other things were thrown out. Book donations are for the nearby nursing home and all clothes go to shelters who give out clothes for free or shelters that have a closet for homeless, where they can get everything they need for free.
I think we hang onto things for different reasons. Many things have only value for me and some things mean a lot to both of us. But clothes and shoes or pots and dishes. Nope! We kept what we use and everything that we didn’t use in two years went ‘bye bye’.
I stuck labels on all my clothes and will dispose of any that still have the label on after one year!
Clever!
Not really, I stole the idea from an article I read!
We just finished emptying the basement (it took months) so that we can put down some vinyl flooring and get a bathroom and bedroom installed. We have TOO MUCH stuff. We threw away a lot. We donated a lot. We still have too much stuff that is now in the garage and in our guest rooms and the dining room, all in tubs and boxes. But it’s too much. I hope when we finish the project downstairs and are putting this stuff back there we are much more deliberate about whether all of it or none of it makes the cut.
I think sooner or later we have to look into the future and we all need to imagine that one day one of us will be left alone. That’s how I got my husband on board. “If you die before me, you will force me to go through all of your things that you can’t get rid off.” It made him think.
Read Marie kondo’s book. I make a bet with you that you will like it 🙂
I will get her book!
I hope you do, I am certain you will enjoy it.
Well said Bridget. I listen to many folks on TV who look at shopping as a sport or hobby, where we know what we are looking for when we go to the store. We often ponder potential purchases for months to decide if it is a need or just a want. Then, we often do not buy it, because we have lived without it for months. All that being said, we need to declutter some parts of the house (the basement, the garage, the garden shed), as we still have a lot of our kids’ stuff, which they lovingly left for us to handle. I hope to get in the right frame of mind one day to sort, repurpose, donate or toss so many things. Happy Wednesday. Allan
The garage and the shed was brutal. We had ‘stuff’ there that we never used, or bought and forgot all about. It’s was pathetic.
It’s freeing to toss out the stuff we dont’ need. It gives you more air, or so it feels.
Have a great Wednesday yourself.
Your post is brilliant! We have far too much, too, and I want to purge everything. But The Mister has a hard time letting go. I still think about what I read in your book. It’s an amazing story that I think people can really relate to.
My Mister had a very hard time of letting things go. The hunting-and-providing-instinct is a special force in my husband and considering what we went through, it’s easy to understand.
But then, we are the diplomatic ones, and all it takes is to drop a seed, an idea. I mentioned it in an earlier comment. I made my husband aware of our age and the fact that he might be stuck with all of ‘it’ in case I might depart first. It made him think. 🙂
The simple truth. It gets harder from year to year, so why not now?
Yes, this is true. 😀 I totally agree with you.