It’s not the IF but the HOW

I think the question is wrong. It’s not IF we spend time in the past, but HOW we spend it. Are we grateful or regretful? Do we cherish the moments we had with loved ones, or do we still mourn even if decades have passed?

Are we learning from the lessons life has given us, or do we feel burdened by life’s assignments?

The older I get, the more time I seem to spend in the past, and rightfully so.

With every passing day, I leave more PAST behind me and that’s a wonderful thing. I am here, today and I have 61 years of history that I haul like a wagon behind me. Yes, there was grief and sorrow but that’s not what I focus on when I think about my past.

I feel grateful for everything I was allowed to experience so far and I hope there is more to come. I see myself as a child, as a teenager, as a young adolescent, as a middle-aged woman, and then older, and I would not interfere with the life I have lived. Yes, of course, things could have been better sometimes, but more importantly, they could have been so much worse as well.

I lived through moments that were so pure and beautiful, and I lived through moments of great pain, loss, and grievance. I have reached the level of carefree happiness, and I have drowned in a valley of tears. Maybe both were needed?

I am a fortunate person and even the hardships were good for something. It formed me, helped me grow and I like the person I am today.

Of course, I think of the future as well. So much seems frightening these days. There is so much pain and suffering in this world and I can’t change much, other than the little things.

There are age-related worries. Do I have cancer or will it be JUST a thyroidectomy? I will know for sure in four weeks. Will my husband’s surgery go well? Will this country stay peaceful? Will the world calm down? Will we be able to enjoy retirement the Japanese way?

I see happiness in the near future as well. The things I have planned, many of them will come true. I see a new young dog running in our yard, a thought I have not shared with my husband yet. I see an exotic cooking class and an e-book that I will finish this year because Santa brought me a laptop, so I can write in the living room or wherever else I feel like it. I see us traveling, perhaps not to the other side of the world but far enough to ‘getaway’.

I stay in the present because that’s the real gift. I try to treasure every moment of my life, even the most stupid routines are something we should not ever take for granted.

It seems with age, most of us get sparkles of wisdom and I like that a lot.

I don’t walk backward into the future, nor do I linger in the past or future. I am here, right now, that’s where the fun is!

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Daily writing prompt

Do you spend more time thinking about the future or the past? Why?

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