Last updated on August 25, 2016
All was there. Clothes, Food, Blankets, new phones and even books in case we would get bored. This boat was our way out. We would row upstream and soon we would be in open water.
His plan was brilliant –as always.
“What do you think?” he asked and his voice made me jump.
“It’s perfect, we will be safe.”
“I think so too, let’s get the boat in the water.”
“But what if they will follow?”
No, worries, we will be walking in the opposite direction, while they will be searching for us.”
“But…?”
“There is no but, let’s go.”
(Word Count: 100)
Friday Fictioneers is my new guilty pleasure. No matter how busy I am, every Wednesday I have to check out the new pictures for our new 100-word challenge. Interesting enough, it’s not just about writing a new short story, it’s also about reading other blogger’s fictional stories.
Give it a try, but -I have to warn you- it is addictive. Click >>>here<<< and meet Rochelle Wisoff0 Fields and all the other talented writers.
I really want to know what they’re running from now! Something truly terrifying by the sounds of it. And will they make it to safety? Great little snapshot of desperation 🙂
Lets just be glad it’s not a 200 word challenge, I would have had a hard time coming up with an explanation. 🙂
Ha! Yes, the joy of flash – not having to find all the answers 🙂 Great story
Brilliant plan indeed. I had no problems following the dialogue, you did set the quotes where they should be. Great story.
Thank you for this comment. I was wondering if more people were confused 🙂
Great twist. Unlike Brainsnorts I had no problem understanding who was talking and appreciate your story just as written. Thank you.
Well, imagine my surprise. The one time I am not out to cause confusion I succeed 🙂
Sounds like a great plan!
Good one. I like the strategy reveal; a nice twist. These flash pieces are fun – I’m glad you’re addicted!
Me too, it’s fun and healthy 🙂
i’m confused about who is saying what and who is who. let me explain:
His plan was brilliant –as always. (this is the speaker referring to “he”)
“What do you think?” he asked and his voice made me jump. “It’s perfect, we will be safe.” (is the person speaking here the same person with the brilliant plan?)
“I think so too, let’s get the boat in the water.” (is this the speaker again? is the speaker agreeing with the person with the brilliant plan?)
“But what if they will follow?” (is this the “he” with the brilliant plan?)
No, worries, we will be walking in the opposite direction, while they will be searching for us.” (now this seems like the speaker, but this line should be spoken by the “he” with the plan)
“But…?” (who is this now?)
“There is no but, let’s go.” (the confidence in this line should be from the “he” with the brilliant plan, but by alternation, this is actually the speaker. this is why i’m confused)
Reading your comment has me now confused as well. 🙂
i tend to read things more carefully and dig into things a little deeper than most people. that’s not a criticism of others, just something that i think helps each of us improve.
No, I found your comment very helpful. Actually, I went back and used cursive, writing on part of the answers and questions.
I don’t consider myself a writer, more a storyteller. I don’t write in my native language, so some things might sound confusing once in a while and I have absolutely no problem if you -or anybody else-will tell me.
few people will tell you or suggest edits. some people get insulted by my suggestions. never know.
Dear Bridget,
It sounds like he’s covered all of his bases and has me wondering what they’re running from. I can’t say that I’m sorry FF is your new guilty pleasure. No need to feel guilty at all. 😉 I’ve been addicted since my first flash four years ago.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Inspired! Isn’t it strange that being constrained in a creative project can yield more creativity that if totally free-play? I like the idea of this challenge. May take your advice!
Of course. I think you would have lots of fun with it as well.
Great to have a decoy, after all there should be a second and a third way out.
True, plan B is used more often than plan A. 🙂