I couldn’t help but laugh out loud when I read the following article in The Washington Post. I can just imagine how much fun the journalist had while writing it.
The true, correct story of what happened at Donald Trump’s inauguration
Here is the fair and unbiased story about the inauguration written in compliance with the Trump style guidelines that we should have been obeying all along.
Nothing that has ever happened or will ever happen was as great as Donald Trump’s inauguration.
The crowd was magnificent and huge, bigger than any crowd had ever been before! It stretched all the way to the moon. The Pope, who was there, confirmed it.
“Thanks for being here, Pope,” Donald Trump told him.
“Are you kidding? You’re my best friend,” the Pope said. “I wouldn’t miss your big day for anything!” He gave Donald Trump a big high-five.
Everyone in the world had come there at great expense. They sold all their possessions — their homes, their “Hamilton” tickets, which were worthless to them — to raise money to come and see this great sight. They could not believe that a perfect being such as Donald Trump even existed. They thought that he was a myth or a legend or a decades-long series of fabrications.
But then they saw him, and their doubts fell away.
The media was there, too, and they were very sorry. “Donald,” the newscasters said, “we were mean to you. We used to laugh and call you names. We were no better than all of the other reindeer. How can you ever forgive us?”
“Forgive you?” Donald Trump asked. “I’ve already forgotten.” He smiled a big, beautiful smile. That was just who Donald Trump was: forgiving, like Jesus, but blond.
It was a wonderful start to the day.
Everyone liked Donald Trump’s speech and the words that he used. They liked even more the part where he rolled up his sleeve and showed off his bicep. It was a great bicep. It made the Rock so upset to see it that he threw something down on the ground and said “darn.”
“Trump! Trump! Trump!” the crowd cheered.
Donald Trump touched many people in the crowd in a way that they all thought was welcome and appropriate, and he cured their ailments, from cancer to autism.
“If only we could bottle your touch,” someone said, “children could stop getting vaccinated altogether.”
Donald Trump winked. “Don’t worry!” he said. “I’m on it!”
Then Donald Trump served loaves and fishes to everyone there. There were enough loaves and fishes for everyone, and they all were Made in America and said “TRUMP” on them. It was like the Oscars, but also like Woodstock, but also like the Super Bowl, but also like the Sermon on the Mount. If you were not there, you should just go home and die, because nothing in your life will have purpose or meaning by comparison, not even holding your newborn child in your arms or having health insurance. This is what FOMO was talking about for all these years.
Bono, and Bruce Springsteen, and Elton John, and the Rolling Stones, and Beyonce, and all the top artists were there. They fought hard over who would be allowed to sing. Finally Bruce Springsteen won. Bono cried and cried, and the other artists had to console him. When Bruce Springsteen had finished singing, he walked over to Donald Trump, extended his hand, and said, “You are the only real hero left in the world.”
The people were so excited that they built a very special stone pyramid just for Donald Trump so that he would not have to wait until he died to see what his monument would look like. But they were silly to be concerned. Donald Trump will never die!
A little child was in the audience, and he started to cry because the emperor was wearing so many clothes. Also, he could tell that he was not and never had been racist.
Donald Trump’s beautiful big family was there. His favorite childhood dog was there, too, back from the farm where he still lives to this day.
Donald Trump can talk to the animals, and his eyes are lasers. When the floor is lava, Donald Trump can walk on it, but only Donald Trump. When Donald Trump points his finger at you, you have to lie down. But when other people point their fingers at Donald Trump, he does not have to. Donald Trump’s block tower is the biggest. He does not need a nap or a snack. He has the longest, biggest attention span. Everyone loves Donald Trump, and what he has to say interests them.
Donald Trump is the star. People love him.
He won the popular vote, too.
(Source: The Washington Post)
The boxing gloves are off. Thanks for the laugh. Keep it up!
You want to know what’s sad, Bridget. As over the top as it is, there will be those who won’t recognize it as satire.
I know but I don’t think they can be helped.
This is so hilarious! Thanks for the laugh and thanks for sharing. 😀
You’re welcome
You laugh now, oh yes, you laugh now. But just wait until Donald commissions someone to add his marvelous visage onto Mt Rushmore–there’s still plenty of room up there. You’ll really have something to laugh about then. Personally, I’m surprised there has been no giant golden T added to the top of the White House 😀
Goebbles, I mean Kelly Ann Conway, says it hurts Donald’s feelings when we criticize him. STOP THE PRESSES! Donald Dumpf, Cheeto Man, has FEELINGS??????? Nah……
Don’t get me started on Conway. This woman has lost it all together.
Reblogged this on Morpethroad and commented:
I think its good someone FINALLY has printed the truth or rather alternative facts about the inauguration.
“Alternative Facts,” that gets me every time. Thank you for the reblog.
My pleasure apart from the absolute horror of all this the satire that will follow will be the best entertainment we have had in years…..
I think it’s about time that we make fun of the obvious.
And it’s not going to be hard is it😂😂
This was wonderful…..so much more fun to come…..
Hee hee hee. Loved it! I can’t wait to see what Donald tweets about The Washington Post!
I laughed myself silly. I guess the gloves are off, the press is shooting back (as they should).
Put a warning on these dear. So that folks aren’t eating or drinking something when they read and do spit-takes and ruin keyboards OR choke and have to do the Heimlich on themselves… BWAHAHAHAHAHAH! And to think I had lost faith in the veracity of the media. The Washington Post rules. But not more than Cheeto. Oh no. THAT couldn’t be allowed to happen. I wonder what he’ll figure out to do to top himself…
I am very happy that I didn’t miss it. Sorry if I messed up your keyboard. 🙂
A superman cape? Rose colored glasses…who knows 🙂
He’s a legend in his own mind.