10-Year Smoke-Free -Perhaps I did make a difference

Last week, I teared up when a comment left on my Finally-2024 post surprised me. Lately, I have been wondering if I should continue blogging. Is it worth it, and what have I accomplished with it?

Ten years today I became an ex-smoker. From one day to the next, I decided to give IT up. The weather was a big help, that day. The temperature was -10F, and it was windy and snowing outside. I didn’t want to go outside to smoke a cigarette and smoking in the house, even in the bathroom, had never been an option. That’s how it started, with bad weather and the need to stay warm.

To my surprise, I did not harm people around me, nor did I have temper tantrums when I quit smoking. Nothing that I had feared would happen, happened. I sailed through my first and only quit-smoking attempt with ease. Days became weeks, weeks months, and months became years. It wasn’t just an attempt, I became an ex-smoker. I started blogging because my husband, who then still smoked, wasn’t the perfect listener. That I had quit smoking from one day to the next without any warning, took him by surprise. He lost his smoking buddy and I stepped into a world full of ex-smokers on my own. Blogging was my outlet, then, over time, just like all the other ex-smokers, I too insisted that I now knew it all, and of course, I needed to share my newfound wisdom.

And so “The Happy Quitter” and nonsmokingladybug was born. First, everything was about smoking, and from there it went and soon my blog was all over the place. The more I tried to sort it, the more chaotic it became. The more I tried to tame myself, the wilder I got. This is so me!

Sure, I have made blogging friends, but only one blogger knows my name, has my phone number, and even has my address. Some I consider friends. A handful of people I think about and would miss dearly if they would just disappear. Many bloggers are part of my daily reading routine and we communicate via comments back and forth, but seldom it goes further.

I have 4,600 readers and 4,500 never show up or maybe they don’t like what I write. The truth is they have just moved on, which I do too. We all do.

Whenever a blogger gives me serial likes (20 likes on 20 posts in under 2 minutes) I feel discouraged. Why write, if hardly anybody reads it?

I love to write, ramble, brag, complain, vent, and provoke. I am not a writer, but a storyteller. I write for myself as much as for others -perhaps even more for myself. I have sorted and adjusted my thoughts more times than I am willing to admit when I started writing about a subject. Writing helps me to digest bad and good news.

I have given strangers access to parts of my life -our life. Still not willing to show it all or tell it all, still concerned about my privacy, but I have opened up.

I have learned from other bloggers, about the subjects they write about, and I have got to know them a bit. You can often read between the lines. There is happiness, loneliness, anger, love, pride, and the simple wish to share average things with ordinary people like me. Poets and authors, singers, and crafters, gardeners and cooks. Most of them are so much nicer than I will ever be. They are more diplomatic and much more careful to not offend. When I don’t give a hoot, they think about other people’s feelings, or perhaps some might be afraid to lose a reader or two IF a blog post might be to controversy.

I understand. I am fully aware that some of my posts might make people uncomfortable. Thought-provoking is a word I read often on my blog, and I love it.

Our little worlds are like snow globes. My world has gotten smaller, and now I am more protective over everything and everyone in my little globe. I try to stay away from negativity myself. I only deal with it very limited.

Maybe for many their blog is a place away from reality and the real world, and they need a virtual blogging world where everything is beautiful and people are nice. Where every stranger, becomes a dear friend.

I know I am too outspoken for many. I am the fish that swims against the stream, not always, but quite often, and who is not afraid to talk about it, even if it means that some of the other fishes will give up on me.

I still have fun blogging and hundreds of drafts in my folder. Should I? Will I? Yes, please, it’s so much fun.

I am surprised when I see that some of my very first posts and pretty much all the posts I wrote during my first year of nicotine sobriety, are still found and read frequently.

Why am I still a non-smoking blogger after so many years? That’s why.

The comment, left overnight, telling me that I made a difference in someone’s life is a gift I never expected. I wished for it and hoped for it but in the end, we never know. I believe firemen policemen, doctors, and nurses, they know they make a difference. Teachers and parents hope to make a difference, as do most of us who volunteer and do charity work.

The comment leaves me very humble and unbelievably grateful.

The anonymous commenter didn’t have to leave me this message, yet he or she did take the time to log into WordPress and leave the message that might just keep me going and going.

Thank you!

Thank you to all of you, for being with me, for communicating with me, for caring and sharing. Thank you for reading and thank you for helping me to become a better writer, a better blogger, and ultimately perhaps even a better human being. Gosh, I hope so!

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