…
Angie had called in advance. I sent the dogs outside when I heard her park in the driveway. A moment later, a woman very close to my age came in and introduced herself.
She is very petite; I look like a tall beanstalk beside her. She drops a box full of shampoos, soaps, and socks on my work surface. “I have another box outside. I will be right back.”
We have never met, yet she trusts me, and I trust her. We belong to a newly founded group called the MAW (Middle Aged Women) in our neighborhood. A lady who was looking to make new friends started this group a couple of months ago, right before I had surgery. Some of the women go to the bi-monthly meetings at the nearby library. I will wait a bit until I mingle.
I had met one lady, Karen, when I needed a ride – long story. She and I clicked instantly. We both have a very loud donkey laugh -which made us laugh even louder when we noticed it. We have stayed in contact ever since, loosely, just a few texts back and forth, a few phone calls, sharing each other’s life stories, the parts you don’t feel ashamed of – the rest comes later.
I asked Angie to take a seat, and then we sat across each other. She seemed shy, and I sensed a sadness about her. We started talking very carefully, both eager to not upset the other, while in reality checking each other out a bit.
I talked about the seniors and the nursing home, shared the little bit of information I have, and invited her to be there when the donation bags for the seniors will be delivered. Her eyes lit up. “My husband and I have talked, and we have decided now it’s the time to do some good. We are normally very frugal,” she said with a shy smile.
“I know what you mean -about being frugal,” I laughed and told her that we normally don’t like to spend money on extras either. “But we can’t take it with us, that’s what my husband said,” I shared and realized that it must sound like we have a lot of money, which we don’t – most of my readers know that only fourteen years ago, we had to start from scratch again. (From scratch sounds so much more appealing than being houseless, doesn’t it?)
Angie and I clicked. It was not the donkey-laughter-click I had with Karen, the woman who gave me the ride. With Angie, it was right from the start a deeper connection. We both had tested the waters, and we both – at the same time – decided to put our cards on the table.
“I have been in shock for weeks,” she said. “I can’t believe what is going on in my country.” She looked me in the eye. She wanted to see how I would react to the news that she was one of the sensible, open-minded females who are so often accused of being feminist or worse – accused of belonging to the left-wing extremists, aka Democrats.
“I don’t know what to call it, but I know I am no longer the person I have been before last November,” I openly admitted. We kept eye contact for a while; neither one of us spoke. We glanced outside and watched the dogs, a sense of melancholy in the room.
“I am grieving for my country,” she said, and I nodded. What else is there to say? I know how she feels. We were on the same page. We both teared up; we both held back the tears. Crying won’t change a thing! Does it ever?
Is it grief that we are feeling? I told her about last weekend, something I wanted to write about on my blog, but I can’t seem to find the right words for it. I have walked away from our Lady’s Hiking Group because, for the first time, politics came up on our walk last Sunday, and when it happened, I knew there would be no going back from there. I loved hiking with the ladies, and now it has ended. A divided group can not function together. I didn’t take sides, but I listened. I have been more quiet lately.
Still with the ladies’ hiking group on my mind, I spoke. “For the life of me, I don’t understand why some women vote against their own best interest.” I shook my head a bit, showing the disapproval I felt, but in reality, it’s so much more. It’s not just that I don’t approve; it’s something I simply cannot understand.
“Some women only vote for a longer leash,” Angie mumbled, and I could see that she felt terrible about her own statement. I didn’t laugh, but I made a sound like laughter. A saddened beginning of a laugh that gets swallowed by something invisible in the air? A longer leash! What a sad and profound statement.
“I watched The Empress on Netflix last week. It’s about Empress Elizabeth from Austria.” She looked at me with interest. “There is a scene when the priest explains a woman’s role in society. The women give life, the men rule it.”
We both started a sad laugh now, and again, it got swallowed in the room.
Then there was silence, a comfortable stillness between two like-minded human beings.
“I am glad I could talk with you,” she said. “Out there… and she pointed to the door. Out there, I don’t feel safe anymore.”
Good grief, she feels the same way I do. I don’t feel safe anymore, either. The feeling that someone might read what I am writing, that my words could be reported. That what I say could offend the wrong people. It sounds paranoid, doesn’t it?
Is it?
I, too, grieve for this country and its people. Is it just Angie and me?
Angie and I will stay in contact. When one door closes, the next one opens. I have lost my hiking group, but a new friendship might have just started.
Just like Angie, I can’t shake this sad feeling off, but in my case, it’s not shock anymore; it’s the realization that my worst fears are becoming a reality. History, in all its brutality, is repeating itself. Same playbook, different location.
On my blog, I will behave now. I can share pictures, poems, and recipes. I can declare it a politically neutral zone and be a dear friend to everybody who reads and follows my blog.
Small talk, funny stories, good stories. Nothing more about me, and no more opinionated pieces.
As you wish~!
Or as we need to?
It is sad… and scary. I post virtually nothing on FB due to a few friends on the “wrong” side of the fence. I don’t want to be rounded up for standing against the powers that be and that is definitely where I think this is all headed. I will try to keep my eyes open to where they will strike next and hope the constitution and sanity will win. Also I am sad to hear that you felt you had to leave the hiking group. It is really good though that you found a new friend! Try to stay positive and definitely stay YOU!
Always as you wish. A good meeting of minds
It was a good first meeting.
Oh dear, I feel the same when I think about my homeland. Sigh!
Really? Because of politics?
Yes, it’s difficult to know whom we can talk to. People were never divided so much.
So easy to find educated illiterate in every field. It’s all the visisble side effect of Whatsapp messages. People in power had gone too far to spoil the harmony in our society.
A good post, and expressed well! Martin Luther King once said: “The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.” We seem to be on a pendulum in the US that swings wildly every four years, with many voting their interests over their conscience. Where we are on the arc is unknown, but we’ll muddle through these uncertain times. Group hiking can be difficult with so many personalities! Keep speaking your mind with kindness as you do. Silence is acceptance.
>>>Silence is acceptance<<<
Yes, you are right. I will remember this at times when I will feel like speaking up might be wrong. Thank you.
I am losing faith in justice, because it’s man-made and many of the men and women who have been placed on the bench by politicians are now political pawn. Puppets on a string of puppet masters.
There are so many similarities with events throughout history that make us frightened for the future. One man with so much power should never be allowed to do what Trump is doing. The people gave him that power but it should be tempered by the Constitution and Congress. Power that is given by the people can also be taken away by the people. Let us hope, for the good of the world, that it is soon!
And that’s exactly the problem. The Supreme Court gave one man ultimate power. They knew what they were doing. Many of these judges got appointed because of their political and/or religious opinion, not for being a neutral voice of reasons, as it should be.
It’s way too early, there is no end in sight. Either it will make us or break us. Sadly, I would put my money on break us.
I feel for you, and for us all!
Your answer to Liz said it all for me. Who’d have thought? I have American friends here who distance themselves from it as much as they can. You never expect to be ashamed of your country.
I’m not sure about the fear aspect, Bridget? Surely you don’t really think that harm would come to you if you voiced the ‘wrong’ opinion? My husband keeps reminding me that he has a lot of followers. And then, you have this crazy gun culture! It’s all outside my experience, but I’m glad you’ve found friends who feel the same. Isolation is frightening.
The fear aspect is real. People get picked up by unmarked cars. They are being send to detention centered across the country, far away from their families and the place they called home for so many years. There is a brutal and cruel plan behind it. People get treated like animals. The detention centers are privately owned. The longer the inmates stay, the better it is for their dirty business. These private prisons get flooded with money right now. App 83 Billion for the next three years. Nobody knows who their investors are and who will profit from it. There is so much wrong on so many levels. It is frightening to see human rights being stripped.
It’s like a horror novel, Bridget. So hard to believe! xx
Write what’s true to you. It’ll help you and everyone else. We need connections.
Yes, we do. Thank you, Jan, for stopping by.
Sending hugs your way, Bridget… you’re not alone in your thoughts <3
Thank you, Ruth. How is your thyroid doing?
Still the same – due a check up soon 🙂
Applauding the dialogue and kindness in this conversation. The answer that we all have within when things seem insurmountable: Respect, understanding and connection. Important seeds are planted that, in the future, grow the values society stands on. Good on you for being a force for good 🙂
Many seeds are being planted right now. I am not sure if I will be still around when they will bear fruits but I hope that future generations will learn from this.
You’ve described what a lot of people are feeling. I know I’m feeling it. And yes, I’m trying to follow the same kind of advice: “When one door closes, the next one opens. I have lost my hiking group, but a new friendship might have just started.” Beautifully written.
Thank you, Brian. I assume with time we will get louder, or perhaps we will be silenced. We shall see.
I feel sad how it has got for everyone over there and I live in the UK. May everything go well with your new friendship. I think it will by the sounds of it. 😊
Who would have thought that people all over the world feel sorry for the citizens of the United States of America. That all by itself takes my breath away.
We have been admired, envied. That’s gone, now people feel sorry for us. It’s like a tragic play in a theater. The fall of the Roman Empire? Now I understand it.
Not alone.
Thank you.
You are definitely not alone. There is much to fear. Losing good friends, lifelong friends, that’s hard but it’s not the biggest fear. Ending up in a detention center in Louisiana or worse some other country is probably my biggest fear. He’s talking about sending US citizens, current prisoners to El Salvadore…and if you can do that, where does it stop? They’re already violating basic human rights. Right here in our own country that has always, ALWAYS prided itself on respecting human rights. I am disgusted and afraid.
I remember my grandma talking about Americans bombers throwing down care packages in the villages in German and Austria. I remember my father-in-law almost bragging about how well he was treated as a POW after WWII.
I wonder what people will say about the United States at the present time in forty, fifty years.
Human rights and the respect for human beings should always be the main priority in civilized countries.
I am disgusted as well and like you, I am afraid. This is damaging my soul and that’s not healthy.
You are not alone, Bridget. Nearly every one of my American blogging friends and lifelong friends feels the same way. And those of us living in other countries need to keep reminding ourselves, that, although we may be/are equally horrified by what’s going on, we don’t have to feel that fear of opening our doors or of speaking of our concerns. That difference is everything. Sending hugs.
Not in my wildest dreams did I imagine this. I read about in history books, I witnessed it on TV from afar happening to other countries, but not here. How wrong we were. The damage happens quickly, the rebuild (if there is one) will take decades.
🥲💔